Daughter, Wife, Mom, Teacher

Accountability Partner

2012-02-19T22:41:00.000-06:00

My blog friend Stacy and her main crush, Toby Keith.

My friend Stacy blogs here. She also blogs here. In a recent post on the latter blog, she wrote of her plan (notice I didn't write "wish") to lose 50 pounds by July 27.

I left a comment asking if she'd like an accountability partner. No, I don't need to lose weight. I am 5'6" tall and thanks to saying so long to soda pop and eating healthier (that more fruit and vegetable thing actually works, who knew?), I weigh about 126 pounds (down from 133 in December). So weight is not a concern for me.

However, tone is (I can hear flab flap when I do jumping jacks). And truly, heart health is (my parents both had heart attacks--Mom's was fatal). So to get myself off the couch, I'm going to check in with Stacy three times a week to note when I've exercised and when I haven't. I'm going to keep eating healthier. (No aspartame, less sugar, thinner bread, more fruit and veggies, continuing with less red meat...) My plan is to get moving five days out of seven.

I have no desire to meet Toby Keith, but perhaps on July 27th, I'll celebrate in a different way, knowing Stacy is in PA looking slimmer and smiling bigger. If you want to join us, just post a comment or send me an email--health is something that women talk about but don't do enough about. Looking better in our clothes is just a by-product of working toward a healthier lifestyle.

Note: I checked with Stacy before writing this post, and she wanted me to do it. She feels it will make her more accountable. I admire her for that.

Born Again

2012-02-18T08:50:00.005-06:00

Thursday was the seventh anniversary of my baptism, my public declaration of faith in Christ. I go back to those moments underwater frequently in my mind, in them I felt joined, they lasted longer than they really were, and I was changed. For Thursday I hoped to write about it, but I couldn't find words.

This morning while reading, the words found me. They're God's; they are perfect.

Brad is off at Bible study, and I decided to sit on the couch to read, unrushed and in silence, for a while. I read some chapters from Revelation for tonight's church message. I read from A Life in Stitches, a memoir, and I continued with the excellent (so far) children's novel I'm deep into, The Lions of Little Rock. Then I picked up a new Max Lucado book, God's Story your story.

Within the first few pages, I found the words to describe my joy over being part of God's family, both the before and after baptism words.

Before, and I love this from The Message: "It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone." Ephesians 1:11-12

I'm now aware that God was always right with me, but it was me who refused to be aware of him. That whole free will thing, I held tight to it for too long. Or maybe I held to it just enough, because when I was ready, I dove in because...

"God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes." 2 Samuel 22:25, also from The Message.

When I allowed myself to recognize God's presence and work in my life, I changed. I became a new thing. That joy, ever present, shapes all of who I am.

Happy belated birthday to me, born again on February 16, 2005!

Hit, But Never Down

2012-02-16T06:11:00.000-06:00

     This term finds my classroom with a student teacher. She's the second one I've had in my career, and she's doing an excellent job. My class this year is a tough one, and she has strong classroom management skills. She works to keep the kids involved and on task. She labors to hold their attention. But, just like when I was teaching, this feels like an overwhelming impossibility at times. It was hard for me to do, and I was often frustrated, but watching her do it and seeing how many kids react the opposite of what they need to be doing to learn is really a challenge for me.
     The other day, I was sitting at the back of the room at my desk while she shared a math lesson. I work to remain quiet and unobtrusive during these times. It's hard. Watching the kids and not redirecting them is a self-censoring act--she needs to be in charge. Quite near the end of math, when I had run out of quiet things to do (including making an extensive list of all the things I needed to get done that weren't so quiet), I clicked over to facebook.
     Posted on my feed was a cartoon along with a comment slamming public schools. It was shared by someone I care about, and because of that--more than anything else--it completely deflated me. I wanted to put my head down and weep. I am a good teacher who works very hard. I am working with a young woman who very much wants to be a teacher, and she is well on her way. Our days are exhausting, and everything we do is important. It is our lives' work, and it is important to the world.
     So to come across a cartoon criticizing what we are so passionate about? Ouch.
   I wrote a comment to the friend who posted it stating I was offended. She wrote back something about how she was sure I was a good teacher, but there are many who are not.
   I found it an empty reply, but decided to wait before continuing the conversation. Later, when I went back to find the cartoon, she had, it would seem, removed it.
My reply has to be shared here.
It's stunning how many folks feel it's alright to say, "Well, I'm sure you're a good teacher," with the implication that most teachers are inept and uncaring. This sentiment is used to fuel so many fires: our education system is what's wrong with America today, it's okay to pay teachers less than professional wages because it's such an easy job, kids are being under served, teachers expect all their kids to behave and learn the same way (the gist of the cartoon).
     To her, as a former home schooling parent I say, "Good for you," I would never slam a parent for choosing to home school. I would never question that mother or father's skill as a teacher. I would never sneeringly joke about the quality of education provided in a home school environment. Truth? I've never heard any of my peers do so either.
     And I wonder what she really knows about public education. Charlotte Danielson? RtI? Inform? Everyday Math? Literature Circles? Guided reading? Workshop? Directed Independent Reading? Bullying? Wellness? Foss Science? AIMS WEB? Investigations? Inquiry models? MAP tests? ISATs? At risk readers? Grant writing?
     We don't just walk in at five to nine and leave right after the buses. We are invested. We--not just me and a handful of others, but we the teachers. Rotten apples? Sure. Golden apples? Too many to count.

Please note: When writing about education, I am acutely aware that any typo I make will be "evidence" I am a poor teacher. I am writing this early in the morning, so I am may be prone to err. But it's 6:10, and I'm a late for my day, so I ask for forgiveness not judgment.

Deep Thoughts

2012-02-15T00:01:00.001-06:00

I haven't had a diet soda since January 3.

Wow.

And here's the bizarre thing...

don't

miss

it.

(much)

And I've lost about five pounds.

Hm.

Have you read? (Q of the W)

2012-02-13T06:34:00.001-06:00

Have you read my favorite Dr. Seuss book, The Lorax? Like most of Seuss' "big" books, versus his easy readers, it teaches a lesson.

Like "The Sneetches" teaches (rhyme intended) about prejudice and the fruitless longing for stuff, this story is about taking care of the Earth along and points out the idiotic human habit of confusing want with need.

It's coming out in feature length movie form on March 2nd, and I'm concerned it will be ruined by the big screen retelling.

So, this week's question, have you read it?
What's your thneed?

Whose will?

2012-02-11T20:56:00.005-06:00

People need to stop expecting God to conform to their will,
and instead start working to accept and live within God's will and plan.
We are not the designers, He is.

I need to stop expecting God to conform to my will,
and instead I must work harder to accept His will and plan.
I am not the designer, He is.

He always will be.

We are in the middle of a Revelation study at church, and the pastor mentioned this point as he spoke of people accepting Christ--they expect God to be malleable. I agreed as I know folks like that, but then I realized, I too often have moments when I expect to be forgiven when I full on well know I have disappointed God by breaking one of His rules.

It's so easy for me to look at others and see the specks in their eyes when I, too often, am walking around with a plank in mine.

Beyond the Attitude of Gratitude

2012-02-08T21:52:00.001-06:00

Brad is the Grampa who gives books. He loves giving books, and I love collecting them for him to pass on. Last week, he sent out two Valentine packages to his grandchildren in Indy and N.C.

We got a short and thoughtful thank you message on facebook from his daughter-in-law, and his daughter sent us photos and videos of her kids opening and enjoying the little treats we sent.

Here's her youngest with a lolly...a rare treat!

We delighted in every word, snapshot, and voice on the video. In fact, we still giggle over some of the images many days later. It was simply touching to receive a thank you. How nice to know the things we provided, little as they were, were appreciated. It felt good to send the gifts, but it was a wonder to be thanked for them.

Yesterday, thinking of these pictures, I thought of God. There's a saying floating around out there encouraging us to develop an "attitude of gratitude." Good idea. But beyond that, acting on this is key. I wonder how God feels when I, His daughter, thank Him. when I truly and deeply express my gratitude through prayer for everything, every little thing, in my life. This is one gift I can give back to God, my thanks. I hope he finds it valuable.

I'm not saying thanking Him more will lead to more blessings, but I do believe thanking Him as a loving practice will help me recognize more of what He has done for me--what He continues to do for me because He deeply loves me.

This morning, as I drove and prayed, I found myself not asking for anything but just acknowledging my many gifts from Him. The list was long and easy to create, and some things on it made me giggle--laughter is something to be thankful for--and I hope He smiled along with me.

Beyond praising Him, I can't think of anything more important than thanking God for the blessings He bestows on me. With this gratitude comes the awareness of joy, and He will use that awareness to carry me through anything I may face.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus"

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Hand Shaker?

2012-02-05T21:58:00.000-06:00

How do you feel about handshakes? My father always taught me to have a firm one, apparently he didn't like ladies who offered limp grasps when meeting. So we used to practice. I've never minded a handshake, and have often thought it strange when I meet someone new--in some settings anyway--and a hand isn't offered. Strange in that weird should-I-offer-my-hand-oh-wait-he-didn't kind of limbo of manners thing. But then again, during cold and flu season (October through April around here), I'd rather not shake hands.

Anyway.

At church, the greeters shake hands. I did not do this at my old church when greeting. It's what they do. Also, when we turn to greet each other, we shake hands.

I've had a sore finger for a few months; I thought maybe it was broken because it's bent. Pressure causes it to ache more than it does when I'm just using it normally, and handshakes hurt. I went to the doctor on Friday, and the x-ray showed bone rubbing on bone absolutely no cushion of cartilage in-between the joints, which the hand specialist diagnosed as arthritis. (Freaky x-ray, I have to tell you.)

Arthritis. I have thought about this a lot since Friday, but I'm not going to get into my shallow, self-centered thoughts. Just this one...I'm going to work to not shake hands anymore. That just seems wrong to type. Shaking hands will not exacerbate the condition. The doctor says nothing will. (Nothing will alleviate it either, but it's only one finger, so no biggie.) But shaking hands hurts.

My husband has degenerative back disease, take my lil finger ailment and multiply it to the size of his back. He does things all the time that cause him pain. He lives with pain. I'm a wuss times 1,000 compared to him.

Anyway.

So here's my question of the week:

Are you a hand shaker?

Do you expect a hand to be offered?

Do you wonder what's up with people who don't?

Do you think I should just tough it out?

Do you ever wonder why I don't call these posts Questions of the week?

Give Away with a Favor Attached

2012-02-04T10:41:00.001-06:00

In my sporadic efforts to be more green, I often thought about ordering wool dryer balls from a vendor I like on facebook.

In my constant state of cheap, I kept giving myself reasons not to.

Then, as a newbie to Pinterest, I found a link to a blog where directions were given to make them. So, in time, I did. I made nine.

Why wool dryer balls? They are to be used in lieu of fabric softener in your washer or softener sheets in the dryer. They're money savers. They are an all natural alternative meant to soften fabrics. Do they make noise? Only a little because they roll around with the laundry. I've been told they cut down on drying time, also. Another green aspect!

I am keeping three, giving three to my greenest friend and knitting sensei Megan, and I'd like to give the other three away to one of my commenters. Here are "your" three:

I opted to make them bright colors so they would be easily spied in the dryer. That's where we store ours between use.

Condition, should you win the random drawing, I'd like your feedback on them and their use. Do you notice a difference? Did they retain their shape? Should they be bigger? I'd like to make more of these as gifts, but if they are all hype, then there's no point in that. So I need your help!

How to enter: Leave a comment saying you're entering and make sure I know how to get a hold of you should you win. Entries close on Wednesday at 11:59 p.m. I will choose a winner on Thursday (using a random number generator), announce it in the comments for this post and contact the winner. One entry per person please.

Church

2012-02-02T07:25:00.000-06:00

I loved the church that helped me find my way back to God seven years ago. (Turns out, He was right here. All the time.)

I love the church we attend now.

At both, I was called to serve. At the first, I served in many capacities, including speaking from stage. At my current church, I've had a tougher time finding where I fit. I only do one "little" serve.

Over the past two weekends, I spend some rich quiet time reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. It was an easy read, but a challenging book. What I took from it is the idea that I have to serve everywhere. Everywhere.

Brad tells me I serve with this blog, and his speaking those words touched my heart. You are my church. My students know I am a believer, it's hard for me to hide things from them, and so, they are my church. My friends at work will come to me with prayer requests from time to time, so they are my church. But now, I'm praying for ways for God to use me in my community, to serve others--and there are so many with less--right here in Aurora, Illinois.

The first message of the new year at The Compass was delivered by a pastor who doesn't normally do the teaching. It has stayed with me. He asked us, challenged us, "Whose ending are you going to change?" I have been told I have the gift of evangelism. This church doesn't baptize like my old church did, but I can still teach about God. I can still do good works in His name.

After I hit "publish post," I am going to write to a friend who is also quite invested in God and helping others. He works for the mayor of this city. I'm going to make Him an offer. I think it might be what God wants me to do...I'm not sure...but I know I'm being prompted.

Church, I want it to be who I am.

And spirit boggling, and body boggling...

2012-02-01T11:30:00.000-06:00

source: Pinterest

Until you've lived it, you have no idea.

Even if you went to school, as most of us did, you have no idea.

My student teacher said it best last week,

"This is such a hard job!"

It is, and it's one that never lets go.

Great Customer Service (Q of the W)

2012-01-30T07:19:00.001-06:00

(not my toes or pink spray, image borrowed from...)

I often read well-worded-rants on blogs or exclamations on facebook about poor customer service, and while I can identify with folks who don't like or plan to return to certain establishments, I work to remain positive instead of venting on the negative. Trust me, it is work. I have had many customer service jobs, and I found it was simply easier and more enjoyable to make people happy through great customer service--so now when things go wrong when I'm in consumer role, I work to remain calm and understand that people on the other side of the counter might just be having a bad day.

In that light, I had a great little customer service experience at Hobby Lobby the other night. (Come to think of it, the folks there are always super helpful!)

Two weeks ago, I had bought a piece of "resin" decor. It was shaped as fleur de lis, and I hoped to spray it silver (the gold is too brassy and not my thing) and hang it somewhere in our home. When I took it out of the bag, Brad asked where I meant to hang it. I didn't know. After two weeks of it sitting on our counter, I still didn't know.

When I bought it, I had carried it and some other things to the car without a bag. When I returned it, I carefully placed it (and some of those other things) in a bag. I am uncomfortable returning things, but this had been an impulse buy so it was silly to keep it around. They'll still have it if I suddenly spy the perfect spot for it.

Entering the store through double doors, the bag swung on my arm and hit the door that wasn't open. When I got to the returns counter, the fluer de lis was broken. I thought, "What should I say? I'm going to look foolish!" So I told the woman the truth, and she said, "Oh, these break so easily!" And she gave me my money back.

I broke it, but she took it back anyway.

It made my night!

Question of the Week: What good customer service experiences have you had lately?
Give a pat on the back to a place you love and hope others will frequent!

Miracle

2012-01-29T08:01:00.000-06:00

On Saturday, I was scheduled to give blood at the "Living Victoriously" blood drive being held in memory of my friend Vicki Miller who died last year after a true fight with leukemia. I am no fan of needles--is anyone? But I had been visiting Vic in the hospital once and someone came to take her blood and she cried. The pain it caused her made me want to push the tech out of the way. I wanted to fight him off her--mama bear style. Instead I just sat in the corner and fought back my own tears while feeling helpless.

I'd donated blood in the past, including during Vicki's illness, but I had avoided it too often because of the discomfort it caused me. Discomfort, but not pain.

Wuss.

Vicki put a face, one I miss dearly, on the need to give. She needed blood, she used the blood, she dealt with the pain of living with poisoned blood. I'm guessing she hated needles more than could be measured.

Since I've become more aware and diligent in my efforts to give, I have hit some roadblocks. Anemia and skinny veins are the biggies. Sometimes, the tech gets the needle in and nothing happens. So a number of days before an appointment, I usually double down on red meat, broccoli, and vitamins. On the day of the appointment, I fatten up my veins with lots of water. Can't do much about the flow, but all those other thing have really helped.

This past week I did none of that. I know I have an unopened bottle of vitamins, but I could not find them. I've been eating healthier, and so red meat is something I haven't ingested in weeks. Veggies and salad daily, but no broccoli in recent memory. Saturday, I only had milk with my cereal and the water I drink while brushing my teeth. I felt so unprepared. I toyed with not going and scheduling another appointment. Brad convinced me to go, to go to visit with Vicki's mom, my friend Helen. To go in support of Vicki's family.

Halfway there, I prayed out loud, "God, I feel disappointed that I didn't work for this, I am placing it in your hands. If they're able to get a pint from me, I'll call it a miracle."

Miracle? Gifted. I walked out JOY filled. This was not my accomplishment.

Thank you God.

Everything is in your hands.

Please, if you're able, give blood. The small amount you share will be shared with others whose faces you cannot know but whose lives you may save.

Kitchen Twitchin'?

2012-01-26T19:28:00.001-06:00

My last post was a heavy duty one, and I was blessed by the comments and personal messages I received in response to it. Blessed and wonderfully overwhelmed.

However, so you still know I can laugh...

I ordered and finally got this from The Pampered Chef:

I've wanted one for a while. I can't wait to use it. When I told my friend Megan I was awaiting its arrival, she said, "Does Brad know it can't be washed?" Well, um, no.

My husband, well, he's kind of a "Mr. Clean." (If you just clicked there, ignore all the soda, we're now a soda free house.) All my friends know. I'm not complaining, he cleans the whole house every week and does 99% of the laundry.

When the stoneware arrived I read outloud from the directions, "do not wash with soap." He paused, then he said, "You really should have talked with me about this first..." I think he was kidding. I'm not sure. I mean, he wasn't twitching or anything.

Tomorrow night, pizza. With my new stone. We'll see how he does with the clean-up.

my sister is homeless

2012-01-24T06:43:00.001-06:00

It's true.

I need to write about this, but I must take care. Her life is her story to tell.

But I can say this. A wicked sense of humor, loyalty, love, and depression all run in our family. It's the depression that has both brought us together and torn us apart.

This is about the tear.

My brothers, I have three, are older than me. We grew up together, the four of us having been blessings to our parents within a period of six years. Almost nine years later our sister was born. Gosh we adored her. But she grew up more like an only child at times, missing the big family vacations of our youth; then taking nicer ones with just Mom and Dad when we were all too old for such things. And by nicer, I mean they flew on planes versus being packed into the station wagon. Her suburban life had a little posh to it.

She adored us too. I know this. I do look back and see it.

Skipping ahead until adulthood, I must because I am being cautious, she moved back in with my father. I cannot fault her for this because I was there too, raising Mac, going to school full time, and working. Her motivations drew her in different directions.

When my father was dying, I would tell him of my plans, tell him about my finances, and he would say, "I know I don't have to worry about you, El." Inferred was he was worried for others, about my sister and her daughter. I tried to talk with her about this. Long story censored, after his death and the house being sold, she began editing us out of her life and her business--it was me first, though I lived closest to her, I rarely saw her or my niece. My sister was angry at me--but would never share why.

The money she was given from my father's estate ran out. She lost jobs, she found jobs, she relied on the kindness of many friends until their patience wore thin, and she was evicted seven times in ten years. She borrowed, always from friends, never us. We had an intervention of sorts during this time. Things got better for a while, things worsened. She refused guidance. Her efforts to be well struck intermittently. She refused contact. If I had to detail it all, it would take great energy to make an accurate timeline.

This past fall, her resources depleted, she moved to a local homeless shelter. It was a shock but not a surprise. It was the next step on the path, and we had seen it coming. Still shocking because it's not what anyone wanted.

As I sensed her state worsening based on things reported by friends last summer, Madonna's brother was in the news for being homeless. An acquaintance on facebook lambasted the performer. I commented, "We don't know the entire story. We cannot judge." She wrote back, "If someone in my family was mentally ill I would buy him a house where he could live even if he couldn't work."

I was judged without her even knowing it.

I cannot buy my sister a house. I don't know that I would. Please know I ache at the knowledge or lack of knowledge about her whereabouts--no one has heard of her since December. I crave the thought of having a sister in my life to hang out with and be myself with. She is ill. She will not see it. I cannot make her. It is my hope someone can.

Her daughter, now 18, has completely pulled away from her mother after living in this vagabond vortex. My brothers and I are working on improving our niece's situation. We are just getting to know her again; she has been kept from us for too long. And, she is angry with her mom. Though I recognize that anger, I counsel her that we cannot begin to understand the things her mother does because she is not well. There is no logic, there are no reasons--except for one.

My anger has been lifted. My sadness has not. As a Christ Follower, it feels wrong to not help her in a worldly sense, but I know I cannot help her beyond prayer.

I ask that you don't judge me. I love my sister. My sister is homeless.

Can You Read? (Q of the W)

2012-01-22T12:55:00.001-06:00

     On Saturday morning, I woke knowing Brad was heading to small group (Bible study) and I would have the early morning hours to myself. Usually, that would mean exercise, blog reading, or blogging. Good uses of my time, yes. But instead, I remembered I had started Francis Chan's Crazy Love, and I was eager to get back into it--except I needed quiet to do so.
     I stayed in my jammies, ate a quick breakfast, kissed Bradford good-bye, and sat for over an hour with the book, a highlighter, my bible, a mug of milk and was incredibly and deeply aware of God's presence in my life.
     I read over 100 pages of Crazy Love and then switched to The Bible and Revelation where I read chapters 4, 5, and 6 in preparation for that night's church message. Crazy Love had mentioned a bit of the same Revelation I was meant to read, such a good God coincidence.
   Time spent like this sustains me through my crazy, busy, wonderful weekdays when I don't have an hour to spend with books. We talk, God and I, and I value our relationship, but the intense moments are fleeting, and I don't always pause to savor His love for me. Time spent like this tethers Him to me, though I know He never lets go, I sometimes do.
     So, why is this the question of the week post? Well, because I can't read good, important stuff with noise. I can read a simple novel while Brad watches TV in the same room, but I can't immerse myself in certain books unless I have total quiet. For an example, I started Rob Bell's Love Wins in New Orleans' Louis Armstrong airport, and the interruptions were so many I walked to a magazine stand and bought something on slick paper to read instead. I haven't opened up the book since summer because I need time, and I need quiet to sink myself into deep thought.
     I cannot read for real unless it's quiet.
     This week's question(s):

How do you read?

Can you read while life scurries around you?

How do shut the world out?

   When Brad arrived home, we talked about the Chan book and Revelation, and I shared with him how rich my time with God had been. In prayer before our lunch He thanked God for that.
     This morning, he was watching church on TV with his coffee, and I picked up the Chan book. Again, a God thing, the section was in reference to the same Isaiah chapter the TV preacher--someone we hadn't watched before--was teaching.
     I read to Brad from the Chan book, the Isaiah scripture he included there. I slowed it down, we turned off the TV, listened to God's word together, then Brad went upstairs without explanation, so I might again find that quiet time.
     I did, and I am thankful for it.

Photo taken later Saturday morning when I saw what I'd left on the table, and I smiled.

Good for the Soul

2012-01-19T21:34:00.001-06:00

Confession is, or so "they" say.

Don't you wonder where such idioms started?

This one sounds like a churchy thing for sure. That doesn't mean it's bad, but I'm feeling kind of raw at the thought of putting this one out here, will it cleanse my soul? I doubt it's that easy.

Something came up in service this past weekend, and it's been on my mind and heart since. Then on the way to work this morning, my regular music station went fuzzy, so I flipped to the A.M. dial and the pastor there--not one I'd ever heard before--was talking about the very thing I've been talking to myself about.

I don't love everyone.

In church, they listed a bunch of reminders of ways we sin, and this one is the only one that I remember because it is my biggest issue. Then they did this neato little thing where we all wrote down our confession and threw it in the trash as we left. Except even though I dropped my note in the can, my sin stayed with me. I mean, it's not like that gesture and a prayer can change me because I'm more flawed than a scribble on an index card followed by a symbolic disposal can fix.

So I've been thinking about it, yet I'll admit I've been trying to not think about it. It's just hard to wrap myself around it. It's that big and ugly. I'm that ugly.

This morning the radio pastor referred to it as loving the unlovable. I don't. I don't love others as I love Jesus. Sure I love a lot of people, but I don't love everyone. In fact, there are some people I'd rather not ever spend time with again. Sometimes it seems like strangers are easier to love than people who are close to me. So as for success in following the greatest commandment--see Matthew chapter 22, I fail.

Horribly.

Too often, I try to rationalize this lack of loving: she was so mean to me, he is scary, she hurt my feelings, they don't make time for me so I won't make time for them, or I just don't like him/her/them. But Jesus didn't tell me to only love people who are kind and loving toward me, he demands I love everyone. (Nice way to try to bargain with God on my part, eh?)

I don't have a solution to this. There's not a nice, tidy wrap it all up, problem solved kind of ending, and that bugs me. I see the need for change, but I don't know how to flip that love switch and be the change. So I'm going to keep praying on this one, and if you wouldn't mind, even though there are bigger hurts and problems out there, praying for me too.

I'd like to think He and I will put that prayer to good use.

Question of the Week

2012-01-18T05:01:00.000-06:00

Confession: I watch some reality TV.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey,
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,
and American Idol.

I'm am so far from hip.

Never claimed to be anything but suburban.
Midwestern suburban.

So I don't get, can't get, anything to do with

any Kardashian.

source

So my ask this week:

Why do you or others find the Kardashians watchable?

Not judging here.

Okay, maybe I am.

But what is it about them that makes people care?

Is it because they are pretty?

I know lots of beautiful women who are more interesting, maybe even you.

(Only "maybe" in case you're a man. If you're a man, and you are reading this, you are interesting and handsome.)

Explain...

There's No Use Fighting It

2012-01-17T04:50:00.002-06:00

     I give in.
     Winter where I lived is ugly. I can hate it, as I did for years, or I can savor it. I'm choosing to do the latter. It only took me until my late forties to decide that. Pretty sad, since I've lived here all my life. I've decided to look at winter weekends as a time to just be with Brad, exercise, read, cook, bake, knit, "craft," and nap.
     This was a lazy three day weekend. I savored ever picayune moment of it. I ran silly little errands, I paid bills, I went to church (incredibly well taught message on "The Book of Revelation"), and I made stuff. I didn't do my homework until late last night.
     Missing Christmas a little bit, so my niece Alice and I made a heart paper chain for the mirror over the fireplace:

There's something sweetly gratifying about whipping up something quick like this; something childlike in the simple pleasure derived when it's displayed. I thought Brad would find it silly, but he came down from working in his office and said it was festive.
While Alice colored (she is almost 19), I made these found-on-Pinterest but modified coasters:

All that was needed were .16 tiles from Home Depot, one sheet of scrapbook paper, and some Matte Mod Podge. The tutorial found via Pinterest suggests spraying them with clear spray paint, but I opted to seal them with two coats of Mod Podge. Less stinky that way. (Total cost, without Mod Podge, $1.23 for the four.) Loving the little touch of red they bring to the room.
I used this vintage inspired paper last year too, isn't it adorable?

(original source cannot be located)

Friday night, I started reading this, but found I needed quiet to do so, so I've added it to 2012's Mount to Be Read:

     It's quite profound, and I want to give it the time and prayer it's due.
     Instead, I read, Stop Dressing Your Six Year Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom. At moments, it was hilarious.
     We ate well too, thank you God for your provisions, and we talked about healthy eating. It's good to want to make changes we both feel the need for.
   On Sunday night, I tried baked sweet potatoes for the first time. Look-out, I loved them. Yes, I'm 51, and yes I know it's weird I never had sweet potatoes--except once as fries--before.
     On Monday, my friend Katie posted this on Pinterest:

original source

I made it for Monday's dinner with a few modifications. Brad does most of the food prep during the school year, so he's open to me trying anything when I'm willing to open a can or two. It was tasty, and it's today's lunch too.

It's funny to have written picayune above and then to share many details with you. I'm sure you all had more exciting weekends than mine. Tell me about them?

And now I step into the maelstrom known as the end of the semester...final projects, assessments, grading, report cards. I feel ready, I feel rested. Remind me of that?

So Long Soda Pop Redux

2012-01-16T08:00:00.000-06:00

Last March, I wrote about all the reasons I was going to stop drinking soda pop (with regularity). I did for a while. Then, because he loves to please me and he knows what I like, Brad kept buying it. He tends to buy in bulk, by the way. Then he started drinking it, and I continued.

I am a fraud. (Picture me first sighing and then hanging my head. I would take a picture of myself doing this, but you would see my roots, and, well, they're just not pretty.)

Before Christmas, I did get to the point of only drinking one diet Pepsi a day. That was good. But it wasn't what I said I was going to do.

Then, over winter break, Brad saw a video on-line about NutraSweet (aspartame) and how such artificial sweeteners trick your body into making you more hungry and storing fat. Though I had explained all of those facts to him last spring, this time the video did the trick. We finished the little bit of soda pop we had around, and then he didn't buy any more.

I've gone 14 days without pop. I've lost about three pounds. I'm not missing it (the pop nor the pounds) much. It is easier to do this when he is on board too. My students have noticed I only drink water at school. That's a good thing. At home I drink, water, club soda or iced tea--black.

We'll see if this time around is life changing.

And I swear, our decision had nothing to do with this...

A Few Words about The Word

2012-01-15T08:06:00.002-06:00

The book to read is not the one which thinks for you,

but the one which makes you think.

No book in the world equals The Bible for that.

~~Haper Lee

(also attributed to Henry Ward Beecher)

Domino

2012-01-11T05:00:00.001-06:00

"You don't know what goes on in anyone else's life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person's life, you're not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can't be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person's life, you're messing with their entire life."

Over break, I read the book Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher. It's a sad book with a hopeful ending. This expression stayed with me. The intent, shared by the main character who has killed herself before the book begins, is to realize the negative effects we have on others, but it can also be turned to remind us all of the positive impact we can have on others.

Expressions of encouragement, a smile, praise, a thank you, a shared laugh can change someone's day, and perhaps save a life.

Is that overly dramatic? I don't agree, I believe it's just plain truth.

Heard on the radio while I drove to work...

2012-01-10T06:49:00.001-06:00

"If someone's Bible is falling apart, it's a sure sign she's not!"

Because his church time is longer than mine, I thought for sure my-doctor's-degree-in-ministry, former pastor hubs would have heard this one. He hadn't, and he liked it too! However, since I've been relying on my Bible app, it does make me wonder...

Missing Mac and Moving On Monday

2012-01-09T05:00:00.002-06:00

Mac is back in Baton Rouge.

And yep, these pictures are on facebook,

but I like having them here too.

I am so blessed to have him for a son!

He's a distance away but he's not far.

He will accomplish much in these next few months.

So we begin to save for a quick trip to see him graduate with a

master's degree.

Feel free to pray for him, I do daily.

(On a very shallow note, I was having a bad hair day because someone has swiped my shampoo--you guessed it, HE did!)

Thankful

2012-01-07T08:08:00.000-06:00

     On work mornings, I have developed the habit of getting in my car, turning the radio off, starting my drive, and praying. This is a wonderful time with God. The only challenge, I often cry when I pray, and the driving part keeps me from giving in to full on weeping.
   There is nothing wrong with tears, except when driving a stick in rush hour traffic.
     Yesterday, again while driving, I had a great time with God. It was a morning of thankfulness. I tend to go to asks (supplication) first, but without any forethought, I just found myself so grateful. The list in truth was short--a house filled with love, my husband, my son, my job...and then the words, spoken out loud as I always do in these car times to help me focus on Him, "Thank you for loving me!"   Hearing that, well, it made me cry and laugh with joy.
     Then I was reminded of this:

I didn't go into my prayers with this "saying" on my mind, but when I thanked God for loving me and then immediately was poked by this quote, I smiled and said, "and that's all I really need, God, your love."
Sometimes with all the swirls of life around us, thinking of our wants, working to fulfill our needs, even in our most thankful moment, all we need is Love. His love.

A sin? Really?

2012-01-05T19:45:00.000-06:00

This is just a quick post. I needed an outlet to "think" about something. Writing things down helps me think. So I'm writing it here, even though I should be planning tomorrow's science lesson.

On the radio yesterday, I learned that worrying is a sin. Spending time worrying is fruitless; worry has never solved a problem or answered a prayer.

Truth, I don't worry as much as I used to. It's rare that worry keeps me from peace. But I do worry a bit, and even that is sinful.

Why? Because worrying means I am not placing my life in God's hands. Worry means I think I'm in control. Worry means I am not up for His plan.

Worry less, Trust in God more? Just seeing those words on the screen affords me such comfort. How about you?

Back to School and--

2012-01-04T06:32:00.000-06:00

We started back to school yesterday after a lovely, restful break.

I am exhausted.

One day back.

What's wrong with me?

Nothing. My job, like many of yours, is a hard one.

And yesterday, my student teacher started. She's going to be great.

But for a while, I won't get a break because as well as teaching, planning, and prepping, I have to teach her procedures, teaching, planning and prepping.

I have to explain everything.

Everything.

She'll get it all. I know she will.

But already I feel I need a break.

After one day back!

So you might not "see" me here much for a few days.

Hang in there with me?

I resolve...

2011-12-31T15:58:00.001-06:00

...to love,

to encourage,

to laugh,

to cry,

to question,

to smile,

to thank,

to give,

to learn,

to let go,

to forgive,

to move,
to pray,

to be at peace--

more

in this coming year.

Llama, Llama, where's Mac's mama?

2011-12-30T11:54:00.003-06:00

This disjointedness is brought to you by

Mrs. 4444.

Go on, click on over and see what's up there,

you won't be sorry!

*****

Christmas afternoon, I snapped this of my brother and his dog Nutty on his aptly names sun porch. She's getting pretty old, I was struck by her powdered face and her gait, but she still adores Jeff.

When I said good-bye to her, I cried a little. I believe I was truly saying good-bye.

Yes, I've suffered worse losses, and so has Jeff, and so we have that perspective. But that doesn't always remove the pain. Does it?

*****

No, I have no "whiz-bang" gift photos to share, my husband and I don't exchange gifts.

*****

Mac did find the perfect fluer di lis earrings for me, but taking a photo of my own ear is a task I'm not up to.

*****

On Monday night, I helped make dinner for the guests of Ronald McDonald House in Chicago.

By helping I mean I cleaned both before and after dinner.

The excellent cooking was done by my friends Jim and Helen.

*****

On Tuesday night, we went to Holiday Magic at Brookfield Zoo. My friend Jenn is a dolphin trainer there. The top picture is her at work in the water.

Then she tried to coax one of her pals out after the show.

We had a behind the scenes tour of the Seven Seas facility afterward (no photos allowed, too bad, those dolphins were up close on that side of the tank, and a photo of Jenn digging through a bucket o' fish would have been priceless.)

Afterward Jenn dried off and met us in the lit wildly but still dark zoo.

We made our way to the children's zoo where Cinnamon was waiting to pose for photos.

Jenn got us a little closer...

Mac with a llama,

niece Alice with a llama,

but no Ellie with a llama.

Hm.

I did pet the llama, her neck felt like a rough tree trunk covered by fake fur. Okay, I get that it was real, but it felt synthetic.

*****

I had minor "chick" surgery yesterday. The thing I was most nervous about was the anesthesia. I was full under, but I woke fast without getting sick. Every staff member I encountered at Central DuPage Hospital was beyond competent. What a good place!

Especially the nurse who wrote the name of the best pads on a post-it for Brad.

He has no qualms about buying such things, but I knew facing a wall of product would be daunting.

Heck, I have to search that aisle, but after the next couple of weeks, that should all come to an end.

*****

Did you know surgery has color coded socks?

I teased the nurse and told her I wanted orange, but she said those were for cardiac (I think) care.

Notice the two grips on both sides of the socks, even if I walked on the top of my feet, I wouldn't wipe out. Okay, maybe I would...

*****
Best thing about surgery? All the Lorna Doone's I could eat afterward. They even sent some home with me in a "bio-harzards" bag. I plan on using that ziploc for lunch over and over. It's an apt name for my kitchen skills.
*****

There's something deeply thought provoking and gratitude filled about driving away from a hospital with the knowledge that recovery would be swift, and, although nervous making, what I went through was nothing compared to what 99% of those people walking through those doors would experience.

So I'm ending this with not a fragmented thought but a very deeply rooted and solid one:

Thank you God for my good health and access to doctors and their staffs who help me maintain it.

Christmas Question of the Week

2011-12-27T08:22:00.002-06:00

When do you take your Christmas decorations down?

Unspeakable Joy

2011-12-24T08:48:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas.

The Season is historically "off," but

the Reason lives.

Thank you Jesus for the joy,

the comfort, and the love you continue to share with the world.

Hope without end.

Ornament crafted by my mother, Alice Elizabeth Weed Stewart, ca. 1967

Is It Really Friday?

2011-12-23T08:18:00.000-06:00

I lose track of time on breaks. I love that.

Today is, in fact, Friday.

So what to post about?

Three minute mint fudge: a bag of semi-sweet morsels, a bag of Andes mint chocolate baking chips, a can of sweet condensed milk. Three minutes in the microwave, stir, pour, set. Delicious.

My niece decorated a house last night. Sure was nice to have her here.

Festive fingernails, mine:

I made an ornament of my own design this week. I had so many comments on facebook, I thought I'd repost it here:

The steps, trace circles of felt, fold them in fourths, pin them in massive amounts to a styrofoam ball. (I traced a shot glass for my circles...)

I'm having a procedure/surgery on Thursday, unless I lose track of my days and forget to go, and yesterday I had to have a few tests done. I saw these files in the exam room...

Sage Cloths? Smart fabric. Heavy Metal Forms? AC/DC, Metallica, Kiss as patients. I'm not quite sure what they meant, but you know, when I'm bored while waiting and my camera has a phone, I'll take pictures of anything.

Being there, in the convenient care clinic, for tests, made me walk out counting my blessings. My little episode is pretty much elective. Necessary but not life threatening. Other folks there, not so blessed. I know this because the receptionists/record takers all talked too loudly when collecting information. Sigh. Good thing they shared our privacy rights with each of us, and then violated them.

My niece is 5'10" tall. When shopping yesterday, a grocery store manager said to me, "Is your husband tall?" I thought that was a strange question until I figured out he thought my niece was my daughter! Then I realized he was also calling me short. Le sigh!

Merry Christmas Mrs. 4444, and thanks for a place to spill...

Purge--Question of the Week

2011-12-22T04:48:00.000-06:00

I get weirded out at Christmas time. I get weirded out over the emphasis on stuff. I don't want more stuff, I don't really want ways to organize my stuff, I want to rid myself of stuff. Purge.

While on Pinterest, (I know, I know) I found this great idea. On January 1, hang every hanger in your closet backwards. When you wear an item hang it the right way. A year from now, get rid of anything that's still on a backwards hanger. (source)

Simple, no? Last night I turned all my hangers. Why wait for January 1?

I have made numerous trips to Goodwill this year. We have sold things on Craig's List. I haven't done much clothing shopping (jeans, a few basic T's, and a dress--all year). I've only bought one pair of shoes (truth). I don't buy books unless I can't find them at the library, and I rarely keep a book after reading it.

I am determined to not buy another "beauty" product until I use up all I have.

Yet, I/we still have stuff. Too much stuff. I have moments when I covet stuff, and moments when I loathe stuff. I wonder at all the wish lists I see--people wanting more stuff, and I wonder what's wrong with me.

It's been fun making a few things off Pinterest, but even then I worry about accumulating more stuff. (The scarf I made yesterday will be turned into a rag when the trend passes for infinity scarves. I have a rule about buying only one Christmas ornament a year, but this year I made a couple, so how does that figure in with my math?)

So my questions of the week are:

What do you do to clean out?

What gets you motivated?

What are your rules for keeping things?

I want to keep what's important. I want to keep things I will use. I think this all stems from my mom's death, having to go through her things and not knowing what was of most value to her. I don't know...but the want to simplify exists.

Projects Worked on Wednesday

2011-12-21T09:00:00.003-06:00

When I joined Pinterest for real (after some hemming and hawing and denying of interest), I told myself I would actually work on doing the things I pinned.

So here are the Pinterest versions (my inspiration) and then my attempts aka Ellie Dones from earlier this week (aka Monday).

One: T Shirt Scarf--no sew!

Ta Da!

So simple. It took me about three minutes.
Really large T shirt, a men's XXL from Target ($4)...

Two cuts. One to remove the hem and then a second across the chest armpit to armpit...

A stretch...

(I was still in my jammies!) And a scarf.

I can't say I'll make more of these because I don't need more. But this red one will be perfect for Fridays at school when we wear red and white to show our school spirit!

Two: A button covered ornament.

This reminded me of ornaments my mom made back in the 60s, like this one,

So I tried it and came up with this,

I still see some gaps that need to be filled (which I have filled since taking this photo), and I didn't use any olive green or pink buttons (my son nixed the latter), but it turned out cute. Would I make more? Perhaps. It was super easy, and I like it, but it wasn't as cost effective as I would have liked--because I don't have a stash of anything, I had to buy all but the white buttons and red ribbon. And the originator had some much cuter buttons, so I'd have to do some searching.

Three: Chocolate Strawberry Shots

Had a cute white plate, chocolate chips to melt, cream vodka, "adult" chocolate milk, and frozen whole strawberries all ready to go.

Problem, the berries were mushy when thawed. So we decided to wait until we have fresh berries to full-on try this. We took those we thawed and threw them in a blender with this,

and all was well (if not as picturesque). Now to research what to do with the other products I bought. It's not really fresh strawberry season, you know, and though I'm not a big drinker, I like the idea of a girlie drink from time to time.

So there you go. Me, my non-crafty self, having some fun on break. Ah...break!

A Classroom Christmas--Part II

2011-12-20T09:18:00.001-06:00

At the end of yesterday's post, I asked you to return today to learn what the kids gave me.

You might remember we participated in Operation Christmas Child last month, and that was meant to be instead of gifts to me.

They didn't listen.

Yep, I go some typical trinkety stuff, and some has already been delivered to Goodwill.

I also got a group gift of a nice gift card to a local mall.

But...

The three gifts that really touched my heart and that I won't forget are:

A gift of three ducks that will provide food for a family through World Vision,

A gift of cash to the town food pantry, along with a bag of donations,

A donation to the food pantry in the town where I live.

I cried when I opened each one. Good thing I don't open the gifts in front of the kids.

Another spot on gift, a gift card to the Dollar Tree, where $20 is more like $50! ;) That one made me laugh!

A Classroom Christmas

2011-12-19T07:11:00.000-06:00

     This year has been the hardest school year ever. Due to confidentially issues, I can not elaborate, but there are many reasons--and they go beyond the children. I'm thankful for my peers, I think we keep each other sane. Sane yes, but there's no avoiding exhaustion.
     We got out "early" this year for Winter Break, today is the first official day. So, I didn't have time to do the many things I like to do in December. I didn't get to read the stories I usually read.
     One project we did get to was this one (go to Friday's post for a tutorial):

The kids made little yarn wreaths for their families. I love that they all were a little bit the same and a little bit different. I loved that I, the non-crafty and not so always patient one, was able to lead them all through this (and the wrapping) and not get cranky, not even once. It was fun, something we sorely need in 4S!

Some kids were so excited, they gave their wreaths away the night they brought them home. Others decided to wait and told me to NOT post this on my class blog. So I won't. It's not like I had a moment to take photos anyway!

Oh and we did read this:

I love it, and so did they!

Come back tomorrow for part two of "A Classroom Christmas." I can't wait to tell you about their gifts to me. (Does that sound greedy? It's more of a humbling thing...)

For the Donaldsons

2011-12-17T16:19:00.000-06:00

John 11:25

Friday, Friday, FRIDAY!

2011-12-16T05:45:00.001-06:00

Thank you God for this break.

Speaking of which, mine starts at 3:30 today. Two weeks off.

I have a student teacher coming in January. I hope she's ready. I'm never ready.

Source: pinterest

I caved and joined pinterest after writing a post stating I never would. Color me wishy-washy.

This week one of my students gave "me" three World Vision Ducks for Christmas. I cried.

source

Rough decisions made at work this week, my heart hurts.

Joy shared at work this week, I helped the kids make these for their parents. They were so patient and the darn things turned out cute. Pictures were taken of ours but I'm too tired to upload and download (or is it the other way around?)

source

My Dylan told me, "You come up with the best ideas!" I gave credit to whom it was due.

My son, who is coming home on Sunday, asked if a friend could join us on Christmas. I'm thinking I did a fine job raising my son with an open heart.

My niece is joining me at church this weekend and wants to be a part of my life. My heart is singing with joy! And we'll be doing some "pinterest" baking come next week.

Singing? My friend Amy is for the first time this weekend at church. Can't wait!

Tonight we're going to see The Story with Steven Curtis Chapman, Max Lucado, The Newsboys and more. Our Christmas gift to each other I guess. (I have to write "I guess," because we agreed to not exchange presents...) It is a splurge.

source

I have started exercising again, and I'm doing this with some amending (variety of squats and leg lifts). I'm liking it. On alternate days I walk/run:

source: pinterest

Linking up with Mrs. 4444 who has graciously afforded me a reason to post after a tiring week.

I'm liking that the positives for this week far outweighed the negatives.
I needed to see that.

Carded

2011-12-12T09:00:00.000-06:00

We do not send Christmas cards.

There, I've said it.

I used to. But for a number of reasons, I stopped.

Brad and I have never discussed it.

We still get a few, and I love them.

How warped is that?

Question of the week, do you send Christmas cards?

And if so, where is mine?

Image borrowed from here

Christmas Can Still Change the World

2011-12-10T08:09:00.001-06:00

This is the Advent Conspiracy's video from 2008. So it's nothing new, but some of it was news to me. The dollar amounts are staggering stated, and the overall message is powerful.
(The rest of this post will make no sense if you don't watch the video first.)

Because of our ages and time in life--no small kids in the house and tighter finances, we don't do a whiz bang Christmas.
I'm okay with that, I still love this holiday and all the reasons for it--particularly the original one.
This year, we'll have Mac home and my niece Alice here.
Spending time together as family, baking and making things, only stockings for the "kids."

But the most impactful part of the video is the water part.
I watched it and had to donate.
Will you?

How does Jesus want us to celebrate?

(As a side note, I learned of this particular "cause" from a Jewish friend on facebook. God at work through all of us with a church that goes beyond four walls.)

Words For Wednesday

2011-12-07T19:46:00.000-06:00

Overheard during math facts today, "Miss Stewart looks so different without her glasses."

Deep thinkers my students. Much deeper than the multiplication answers they were supposed to be spewing.

But then I thought, "I used to put these on only to read, now I never take them off. I'm old."

And I do look different without them.

I look like a person not in glasses, you know, me the young person.

sigh

A Tale from the Auction

2011-12-05T20:00:00.000-06:00

As you know, my friend Jenn is hoping to adopt a baby from Haiti. Last Friday she had a silent auction to raise funds to help her with the (ridiculous) costs of doing this. I have learned that, in most cases, it doesn't hurt to ask, and so I asked everyone (probably even you) I know to donate something made, repped, or bought to the auction.

I got too many yeses to count.

I was blown away by the generosity of people I've met and many whom I have yet to meet.

All the gifts have tales to tell, and perhaps I'll get to share more. But one gift has a great little story to it, and I'm going to tell it here. I don't ever want to forget this intentional act of kindness.

The auction was held at Lemont's Community Christian Church's campus. (I regret being too occupied to take any photos, it's in what used to be a restaurant--funky chic.) It's at least a 40 minute drive from here. My niece Alice and I got there at about 11 that morning, and we helped Jenn and her friends set up for three hours or so. Then Al and I drove back to Aurora.

Just before five, after telling Jenn we'd be back at 6:00, Brad, Al, and I started back. Traffic was insane, and we were frustrated. Brad has so much patience, but even he was concerned. So we texted Jenn to tell her we were stuck. She, coming from the other direction, was too. She was upset, and so I told her we'd all be there on time, not to worry. As we got closer to Lemont, I called Jenn who was still stuck, and told her we were there, she gave us the lock-box combo (Brad's a Realtor and knew what to do), and we entered, threw on all the lights, and started on her last minute to-do list.

I hurried to the front doors to unlock them, and through the edges of the beveled glass I saw a little boy whose profile I recognized, standing next to his mom. I unlocked and opened the door, and said, "Cecily?"

"Ellie?"

A woman whose blog I read, a woman whom I had never met, was standing outside with her little guy, and this:

It's a baby quilt, and she made it last week. Though she was overworked by her master's coursework and its demands, she took time to create this wonderful work of art. You can read about her reasons here.

Cecily, in that moment of recognition, my heart soared. You truly are a gift from God. I can't wait to get to know you better, but if for some reason that's not part of the plan, you gave so much that night.

Her quilts are gorgeous, and so was this one. It sold for about $60 that night, adding to the total that gifted Jenn with $4000 toward the cost of becoming a mom.

People are good. If I ever believe otherwise, may I think of Cecily.

No such thing as unanswered

2011-12-04T13:29:00.001-06:00

Source: my husband's facebook wall
and it reminded me...

I came back to God, who was really right here with me always, in an interesting way. Steps along the way can now be documented, but while they were being taken, I had no clue as to what was happening.

About seven years ago, I was on a second date with a pastor's son and a preacher's brother. (His family relationships really made me think he was too good for me.) Over pizza, he challenged me about prayer (so much for small talk). When I said, "I don't pray but I do talk to God." He asked me to detail the difference, and I said, "Well, some people treat God like Santa Claus, and I refuse to ask him for stuff."

He went on, "When your son was small, did he ever climb into your lap to ask you for something?" Yes. "And as a parent, did you sometimes say, 'yes'?" Sure. "Sometimes 'not now'?" Yep. "And then from time to time would you smile, look at him, and say, 'That's never going to happen'?" I laughed and said, "Of course."

He went on to tell me that God is my Father, and He wants me to ask for things, and He listens to me and will answer, it just might not be the answer I'm looking for.

That night I realized there isn't any prayer that goes unanswered. All prayers are answered, but we just look for and proclaim the "Yes!" answers. In those moments, I began to look at God in a whole new way. I recognized His will is greater than mine. (Although I still work to have it be the other way around.)

That night I took a step I full well remember taking. A step forward with a gentle but definitive push--great words from a person who was in my life for only a brief time, but whom God used in an amazing way.

God answers all prayers. So, pray.

Admission

2011-12-02T07:04:00.002-06:00

I admit I stole this off pinterest. My friend Kimberly's board to be specific.

I do admit, also, that I visit pinterest from time to time.

It IS fun to see what my friends have pinned. Recipes, good thoughts, books...

I twice considered joining pinterest, but then I realized I spend too much time here (in this chair, at this desk, and on-line).

I decided not to, twice.

What really turned me off to pinterest though was the board collection of someone I am acquainted with.

She is an unhappy woman--this I know from real life.

Her boards have over 2000 pins of what she wants, what she doesn't have, and what she thinks she's missing.

I hope I could not pin that much "stuff," because really I have what I want.

Jesus.

A man who cherishes me.

Friends.

Food at every meal.

Warm clothing and a warm home.

Work that challenges me.

When my life unfolds, even the trials cause me to know

I am truly blessed.

I am rich.

If I could talk to this younger woman, I would advise her to pin less, and appreciate more. She too is blessed in ways that many people only pray they would be.

Her "less," well, it's really much, much more.

I Am His

2011-11-29T21:50:00.000-06:00

Earlier this week, I posted a status update on facebook, where I just today completed status updates about things I am thankful for.

It read: "I am thankful that I no longer hate my body--though I don't and never will fit the world's mold of perfect, God's believes I am a masterpiece, created by Him. And I am slowly making my way there too."

Lovely comments were left, and the "like" button was clicked a number of times.

There are things about myself I wish I could change, things I pray I will change. But much lower on the list are physical changes. I am quick to beat myself up over outward things that don't matter.

They do not matter.

However it's inside things, heart, faith, trust and Truth things that lead me toward seeking change, growth and beauty. I'm not there yet either, but I'm glad God has switched my gears and made me see where His emphasis lies.

Stuff That's on My Mind Monday

2011-11-28T06:44:00.000-06:00

Gotta purge, or all this is going to be on my mind and distract me from my daily duties:

My son, a grad student in LA (as in Louisiana not Los Angeles) said "reckon" the other day. Yep, they've got him.

Do you think vegans eat off bone china?

I like when LSU wins, it gives me an excuse to wear jeans and a T shirt to school. Purple and gold today people (hidden by a big ol' sweater.)

Don't be jealous, I crawl around on the floor a lot in my job (reading group's on the carpet). Jeans make more sense than a dress.

Pajama day at school on Wednesday. DO be jealous. It's a student council thing, and since I'm the faculty leader for the council I plan these days with the kids. This one makes me VERY popular with (most of) the teachers.

Brad says there were some teachers he wished he could have seen in their jammies back in the day.

My holiday nail color of choice is always (for 15 years now) "I'm Not Really a Waitress" by OPI. It's a festive red. I wonder what "I'm Not Really a Teacher" would look like? (I'm thinking overhead marker green with a touch of black dry erase, you now like a weird kind of French mani.)

This year is sooo stressful, finding time to paint my nails is a challenge. I sometimes have gray roots and cuticle roots. When I find time to push my cuticles back, I find my nail are suddenly an eighth inch longer.

I wrote about Kermit some time in 2011, and since people are all aflutter about the Muppets, I'm getting a lot more hits. They're fleeting hits, but hey, maybe someone will stay. Maybe.

I am stunned by the clothing that's out there for girls. You know, young girls. Toddlers & Tiaras doesn't haven't to be your daughter's reality people. No need to dress your daughter like a skank.

Why rush the teen years? Lately I've been hearing and reading moms who say, "Oh my daughter is acting like a teenager!" Don't brag about it, thwart it! She's 8 for Pete's sake, get her a Beverly Cleary book. Buy her some Keds. Take away the shirt that reads, "Diva."

A week off from school, one trip to the library, but no books read for fun. I'm a loser.

Science starts this week. I took a nine week unit and shrunk it to five. I swear, the kids love science, but it's a pain in the tookus to plan, prep and teach. Gotta remember the love, but there's thin line between love and...

I hit the snooze 5 times this morning. Not because I was tired, but because the air outside of my bed was so cold. Winter wuss.

Devo

2011-11-26T19:21:00.000-06:00

No, not the guys from the 80s with the red hats.

"Devo" as in Christian slang for "devotionals." I'm in desperate need of (a free) one.

The messages at church in which we are encouraged to get into the Bible more, you know, every message, impact me. There should be time in the day. And I'm not going to list my myriad of excuses, but I can't find that focused time. That f word, "focused" is key. It has to be morning because by evening I am mush.

So I need recommendations of on-line or emailed to me women's morning devotionals. I need that time with God, but I need someone (in addition to Him) holding my hand through it.

In an ideal world, I'd get up at five (not 5:30) and have the energy (that's the ideal part) to spend time with God and then exercise. Boy, with all that God infused energy, I'd be ready to leave home by 7:00 AM! (Of course, I'd also have to get in the habit of making my lunch and laying my work day clothes out the night before, removing my make-up, and sleeping in my running gear--including my shoes...don't even mention flossing...)

I can't do that, but I hope I can read and talk with God a bit.

So really, all this post is asking for is your help. I have searched the web a bit, but do any of you have suggestions?

(Just before writing this post, I signed up for some Biblegateway.com emails, and I'm excited about those, but still would appreciate your input.)

Mom's Photo

2011-11-25T18:07:00.001-06:00

I've kept this photo handy with the intention to scan it for months now. I was going to wait to post it closer to Christmas, but then yesterday, on Thanksgiving, an acquaintance of mine died. I was sad for her kids, and in a way Julie died on an anniversary I was not celebrating--the 20th anniversary of my mom's death. I am still so thankful for Mom, so I scanned the picture and included it on facebook as part of my month of thankfulness status posts. It just seemed like the right day to do so.

My mom died suddenly on November 28, 1991--technically the anniversary is on Monday. But that year it was on a Thursday, and it was also about an hour or so into Thanksgiving. So you can see why Julie's death was, well, familiar to me. We opted to meet as a family that day, to not spread the news because though we were in great shock, we didn't want to bruise any other hearts on a day devoted to joy.

But that's not what I'm writing about today, not really.

Today I'm writing about a ring. I'm writing about this particular photograph.

My mom gained weight throughout her marriage to my dad. She had to stop wearing her wedding set because it no longer fit. She didn't trust jewelers, but then my friend Gerry started working for one. So, in 1989, my dad and I sneaked her ring set to Gerry to be resized, and my dad also bought my mom an anniversary band--one that I picked out, that's how he shopped!

The photo is of her opening the box with the band. The wedding set came next. She loved them both, and she wore them for almost two years--the wedding set on her left hand, the gold and diamond band on her right. When she died, my sister got my mom's wedding set, and I was gifted with the anniversary band. I had it sized and wore it on my right ring finger until I met Brad.

When we decided to get married, I asked him if I could wear it as my wedding band, and when he agreed, silver-loving me went out with him looking for a yellow gold engagement ring. Solitaire found, we announced our engagement.

My left ring finger is more slender than my right, so the band had to be resized again. When we took it to the very same jeweler, we were told it was too fragile after 16 years of daily wear to amend to that degree. So I had to pick out a new band.

I selected something similar, and we ordered it. When we returned to pick up the new ring, it was pretty, but it wasn't Mom's. They gave me the carcass of her old ring in a tiny plastic bag, and I walked away from the counter and wept by a corner display.

You have to know me. I don't cry much over "stuff," but this really upset me. Getting married to a lovely man without either of my parents was hard, and I think this just pushed me over the bridal edge--though in every other way I was a completely laid back bride.

That Christmas, 2007, I opened my gifts and found that Brad had taken a piece of jewelry he owned and extracted diamonds from it. He took the carcass of Mom's ring back to the store and had them fashion the old ring into two earrings that hold those stones. Again, I found myself crying over "stuff," but this time I cried happy tears.

There's no picture of me with my earrings from that morning, and I'm not going to take one for this post. But I am going to tell you that 20 years after her death, I carry my mom with me. I think of her daily. I talk about her all the time. And I know she would approve of the soft-hearted man I married.

I also know she'd be really mad at me for posting her photo (in her housecoat!) for all to see.

Since...

2011-11-22T14:16:00.001-06:00

Since it's a slow week in the blogging world, I'm just going to post some photos of items Jenn and I have collected for her silent auction. If you're local, please come to Community Christian Church in Lemont on the evening of December 2 to bid. We have some sweet little items, now we need bidders!

Thank you to Erin from Unrepeatables and Michelle from The Scrap Shop--my on-line and generous friends, for their gifts to Jenn through donated treasures! Erin donated the jewelry above and Michelle the wreath.

And another Net friend, Liz, offered three sewing patterns! Her kids' clothing designs are adorable.
Bia/Maria donated these herself made terra cotta ornaments. Love them, and they could be used to decorate beyond Christmas. (There are six, this just shows three.)

Many other friends have donated some great stuff...here's a look a just a portion of our collection:

     Wow, right? More has been given and more has been promised. I am amazed by the generosity of people, some I've not met, most Jenn hasn't met, who are so willing to help her become a mom. I think of a baby or child in Haiti waiting to be loved. My heart is so full of joy and hope!
     This event will answer so many prayers with a, "YES!"
     Now we need bidders. If you know anyone in the Chicago area, send them to Lemont's Community Christian Church on Friday, December 2. The event runs from 6:30-8:30. Or, check out our facebook page, Help a Child Find a Forever Family for more details and photos!

That's Jenn in the middle of a group of kiddos on her last trip to Haiti.

Whatcha Doin' Thursday?

2011-11-21T07:21:00.001-06:00

Easy question of the week...

What are you doing Thursday to celebrate Thanksgiving?

Linked Up Fragments

2011-11-18T06:16:00.001-06:00

Have you ever had a week that found you always thinking it was the wrong day? For that reason enough, I am glad it's Friday. Sigh.

*****

Serving tonight at the Byran House Silent Auction. Bryan House is a pretty cool local charity that helps people find housing. (And the Bryan it was named after was a friend of my son in HS.)

*****

Thank yous. Brad called his son-in-law and left him a sing songy "Happy Birthday" message this week and he received a thank you email in return. That touched Brad's heart. I like it when people do nice things, don't you?

*****

We're making a Thanksgiving mix in my class today, and one of the ingredients is Bugles. Every year, the kids tell me, "I put these on my fingers like this!" Hello? We invented that!

*****

Here is my class. I love them even though they never stop talking.

*****

We get a week off for Thanksgiving. A lot of staff don't like it. I relish it. A whole week off. I can start running again. And then I can stop when it's time to go back to work in ten days. (I even got some spiffy shin compression sleeves to help with the pain.)

No those aren't my legs. And yes, I stole the photo from the Zensah website. They stole $40 from me, so I think we're equal. Of course, if I don't get shin splints I shall apologize for expressing the extreme sticker shock I'm still feeling due to the price of these elastic tubes.

*****
My post previous to this was much better.
Much better than that post was the comment my friend Lisa made.
Click on over for her depth now that you're done with my shallow.
*****

And that is all.

For this Friday at least.

Thanks to Mrs. 4444

Day Sixteen

2011-11-16T06:27:00.001-06:00

I am writing my 30 Days of Thankful on facebook because I just didn't think I could post here each day of November.

This one, though, calls for a post there and here.

Day 16 of Thankful: Medical research scientists.
I am thankful for people like Lisa Baker Guerrero who work each day to eradicate the diseases that damage and take lives.
All cancers WILL end.
Heart disease will dissipate as we continue to learn from experts how to better take care of ourselves.
Alzheimer's will be beaten down.
Depression will be seen as a sickness, not a state of mind, and be treated as such.

These are the illnesses that have deeply touched my family and friends.

Feel free to add your own.

Feel free to pray for these dedicated folks.

Thanks Be

2011-11-15T09:26:00.001-06:00

(I share this format poem every year at this time with my students.

This is my 2011 version.)

Thanks Be

I am thankful for Mac and Milk,

for mornings and marriage,

for movies and music and memories.

I am thankful for red geraniums and black shoes,

and gold walls and champagne blankets.

For Brad and books,

for church and chocolate,

for family and faith,

I am thankful.

What Rule Do You Play By?

2011-11-13T16:21:00.001-06:00

I have never been a fan of Thanksgiving. When I was a kid, we went to my gramma's where I was often the only girl. Boring. Football was on. Boring. All day. Boring. The dinner was kind of beige. Boring. They used to tell me to color. Boring. (I do remember wearing fishnet tights one year, not boring!)

But, now I'm a little bit more into Thanksgiving, not the "tradition" of it, because I tend to do something every year. This year we are having friends and family over, and so I have to be a little bit more on my toes. Good thing we're off that whole week prior to me having to make dinner (and great thing that my guests are helping.)

ANYWAY, whether or not I'm into Thanksgiving is sort of not the point; I do feel it's a day to be honored and it comes BEFORE Christmas, it's not part of it.

( I had forgotten we painted the living room this year, no more green walls!)

I will not display a single Christmas decoration until the day after Thanksgiving. That is my rule. I usually don't listen to Christmas music until that day, but Brad found our Chris Tomlin CD, so I've been hearing that in his car, but it rings more like praise music than, say, Johnny Mathis or Andy Williams (my very first crush, at age 5 or 6).

If you don't have this CD, get it. It's perfect.

So those are my rules and I don't break them.

What are yours?

(And that would be the question of the week!)

(Obligatory Andy Williams album, hubba hubba!)

Little Parts of Me

2011-11-11T18:12:00.001-06:00

Unlike many schools, today we were in session. A few years ago, our then superintendent thought we should have school so the kids could learn about the day instead of being off and having them out shopping.

Today we had an assembly, and it was so well done. And my husband, former Army Chaplain Major Seaman came to be a part of it. I was wearing red, white and blue, but he showed up with a camo shirt for me. Putting it on made me feel like we were going steady. Standing next to him as his wife in front of hundreds of people touched my heart.

~~~~~~~~~~

Last week I said I was going to make a wreath and I did. If you missed Monday's post, check it out. But if you're not up to that, here's a repeat of how it turned out without all the confessing of messing:

~~~~~~~~~~

I have a little girl who cried about sitting next to a particular student because he did gross things. I only saw him biting his nails, but she was right with him, so I contrived of a way to move her seat. Today I saw him eating his boogers. So it turns out she was right. In 14 years of teaching, this was a first. I mean, I keep a box of tissues on each table so this doesn't happen.

You'll be happy to know there is no photo available.

~~~~~~~~~~

When I pulled into the garage just now, I realized I forgot my purse. Brought home my lunch bag, two tote bags full o' stuff, a paper cutter. No purse. I would like a drink with dinner. Hoping my 51 year old tired face looks well past 21, you know?

No photo available of purse, because it's AT SCHOOL!

~~~~~~~~~~

That's all.

Really, I'm spent.

Thanks Mrs. 4444

Go read some always more interesting little bits there.

Help Jenn Become a Mom

2011-11-09T19:20:00.001-06:00

In the center of all these Haitian children is my friend Jenn.

Jenn very much wants to become a mom.

God has placed it on her heart to become a single adoptive parent of a Haitian child.

To do this she will have to spend about $20,000 for DCFS costs, travel costs and basic

bureaucratic stuff.

On Friday, December 2, 2011 she is having a silent auction

at Community Christian Church

in Lemont.

(6:30 to 8:30)

Please, if you have any goods or services to donate, they would be greatly appreciated.

A gift card, a handmade item, something your company manufactures or reps, something you craft and sell, anything.

She, of course, will also need bidders!

Email me with ANY questions.

My network is small but combined with hers, we can give a child the

hope for a family.

If you would, pray for Jenn as she works the way through this arduous process.

How...

2011-11-08T06:22:00.001-06:00

How will you glorify God today?

One year ago last night, my friend Vicki lay dying, and she called for my husband Brad.
She wanted to, again, talk with him about God.
He went over to the hospital,
told her the story of the upper room,
told her that Jesus knew He was facing great pain that next day--
pain like hers--
and at that point, my young friend who had been so reticent to talk about God,
angry even if people mentioned Him or prayer,
accepted Jesus and let her family know she knew
Heaven was next for her.

God used Brad in an amazing way to glorify Him.

The rest of us are not given such chances often,
but we can save lives through the little things we do.

So what's something "little" you can do or did today to Glorify Him?

Because in reality,
none of it is little.

God is so, so Big.

"Monet Ugly" Monday

2011-11-07T00:01:00.003-06:00

Last week, I revealed that in one aspect (the interrupt-his-wife-while-she's-reading-way) I had married my dad. This weekend, I realized I AM my dad. My dad was a hard worker and good provider, and by the weekends he was wiped out. He'd nap both days, AND if he got sick it was always on the weekend.

We had a three day weekend, and I napped each day, and on Thursday night and all day Friday I was laid out with a sinus headache and slight fever. (Or you could say I gave into it for those two days.)

Yep, I am my dad.

Anyway, Dad did get things done around the house, and I do too...sometimes.

In my more-awake-but-still-possibly-might-have-a-fever-stay-home-state on Saturday, when I wasn't napping or reading, I made something I'd been "going to get to" since I bought a slew of ornaments around January 15th:

It is "Monet Ugly," looks good from far away, which is perfect because I'm going to hang it here...

at the top of the stairs (and with a nicer ribbon and bow). But up close, like up close a Monet is full of smacked on paint, it's full of blobs of glue. From far away, even with its lack of symmetry, I like it--and so does Brad!
     (After the photos were snapped I did add a few more ornaments.)
     Now this is NOT a DIY blog because I am NOT Martha Stewart. Heaven forbid I guide you in creating anything. But I can tell you that I made this from a styrofoam ring, which I then wrapped in in cheapo gold ribbon and adhered to with hot glue about 55 Meijer after Christmas 90% off ornaments. (I believe it could use more smaller ornaments, so perhaps in January 2012, it will be wearing some, but not until then. And probably not even then.)
     And yes, I did burn my finger. I am a menace with hot glue.
     And yes, there are, um, glue boogers all over it. But you can't see them.
     Tricky, eh? And oh so Monet.

Friday's little fragments

2011-11-04T11:33:00.000-05:00

Parent conferences are over! Yay! But I will say, I really enjoyed meeting my kids' parents. Looking across the table and seeing my children in their parents faces and expressions is intriguing to me. Now to get on with November, a so filled and so short month.

~~~~~~~~~~
This weekend is a communion weekend at church, and I'll be serving tomorrow night. It's a little serve, but I enjoy it. I do miss celebrating communion every week though.
sigh.
~~~~~~~~~~

Fall color. Brad was lamenting our not going hiking or canoeing this fall. He felt we missed out on color. One morning, still in jammies, I noticed these colors right out our kitchen window:

Forgive the blur, but that was color! And then on Saturday before errands, I snapped this...

We've only lived here 4.5 years, and in time this one will be huge AND gorgeous. So I reminded Brad we did see fall color every day. Of course, with three days of whipping winds since then, all those leaves are gone, branches are now bare, but we did spy them!

~~~~~~~~~~

I'm just getting started collecting items for a friend's adoption auction and these came in the mail. They're gorgeous, and I decided I'd have to bid on them. I wrote the creator an email thank you, and she replied, "No, those are for you!" For me? We read each other's blogs and she made these for me. So sweet. And I have a cord peacoat they go so perfectly with.
Thank you Jane!
(She's also been a great long distance encourager of my sewing and knitting attempts. If she lived closer she might encourage me to give up...)
Yes, they came in a pair, but I couldn't figure out a way to take a photo of both!
;)

~~~~~~~~~~

My son lost his job this week. It was sudden and without any warning, and for those two reasons, and some of the things he was told, I was furious. I was rarely a defensive mom, but boy, I wanted to get on a plane and go talk to those folks. However, he's 25 and I can't change his life--except through prayer, so I prayed.

~~~~~~~~~~

I have always experience valance envy, wanting one for my classroom, and it only took me 14 years to realize there has to be an experienced seamstress in my pool or parents. So I asked, and Mrs. M. made this for me! (Yes, I could have made it, but with a lot of seem ripping and crooked lines I think...)

Forgive the quality of the photo. Like the trees, it was quickly snapped with my iPhone. But I love the homey touch the Peanuts gang is now adding to my classroom!

~~~~~~~~~~

It's great that facebook reminds me of birthdays, but I wish it would stop reminding me as soon as I write a wish to the birthday girl or boy.

~~~~~~~~~~

I am going to make a Christmas wreath this weekend. I am.

~~~~~~~~~~

Fall color? (Bookending here.) FORGET mums. I don't know about you, but I don't have much luck with mums, so next year, I'm going all pansies. They are gorgeous! For the cost of the mums I scattered around, I could do two or three flats of pansies and have more of this color past bare tree time:

Case in point, the little bloomless plant in the front is a mini-mum. It poofed out after a week. The vibrant colors of the pansies continue to make me smile daily.
~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks again Mrs. 4444

30 Days...

2011-11-02T06:14:00.001-05:00

I have seen two really great November blog challenges out there, but I am choosing to do neither. One is a post a day. The other is a 30 days of thankfulness challenge.

This month is a crazy one, beginning with this week of teaching and daily parent teacher conferences, then there's next week start of our after school tutoring program (for which I tutor), two union meetings, Veterans' Day, American Education Week, and the special projects involved in those. To commit to posting here daily would be too much. We get a week off for Thanksgiving, but that causes the month to be crammed into three weeks, and it's busy. (I am not complaining!)

I love this little blog, but life is out there, you know?

So I've decided to 1) be more intentional about leaving blog comments, and 2) I'll be posting my 30 days of thanks as my facebook status.

Be my friend there? Hang in here if I'm posting sporadically?

I am always thankful for you, perhaps I need to tell you that more often.

Interrupted--question

2011-10-31T21:23:00.000-05:00

"An open book in my hands is a challenge for your father to start a conversation."

Alice E. Stewart, aka my mom

The funny thing is, it became immediately apparent after I married Brad that in this way I had "married my dad." I find a moment to read; he has to talk. And, yes, he knows I am posting this. He thinks it's funny. I, of course, don't always!

The question:

What activity do you do that your husband or kids feel the need to interrupt?

Come on, there must be something.

(He also closes drawers and the pantry door when I'm cooking or baking, but since me creating anything in the kitchen is a rare occurrence, I won't kvetch about that...much!)

Jack, Operation Christmas Child and a Puzzle

2011-10-30T07:50:00.001-05:00

My blog friend Anna's son died suddenly a small number of weeks ago. She lives in the D.C. suburbs. From this far away there is little I can do to comfort her. My prayers have included her family often.

     Jack was 12. A firm believer in Jesus, it turns out his favorite charity was Operation Christmas Child. Last year, my class collected three shoe boxes for OCC, so this year my new group is doing it again, but this time with Jack in mind--I'm hoping for more boxes filled in his honor, and so Brad and I are doing one in Jack's memory.
     I asked Anna what Jack would have put in a box. She wrote, "Lego, a superball, and one of those number puzzles with the little tiles that slide." I told my kids I'd buy the latter for the class boxes.
     Brad and I were out doing errands yesterday, and we went to six stores looking for the puzzles. Everyone we spoke to knew what we meant, but no one had them. I came home and went to three stores on-line, I scanned their favors and found nothing.
     Sigh.
   I wrote to Anna, wondering if she knew of a store that carried them. (I thought everyone would. BTW, never go to a party store this close to Halloween for anything but a Halloween errand. I have to admit, I was relieved Party City didn't seem to have them as the line to check out was at least 50 people long.)
     This morning, I googled number puzzles and found this!

It's wall-sized and retails for $175. Seriously. Sure wouldn't fit in a shoebox.

I googled a different way, can't even remember what words I entered in the image search, and I found these:

And I cried. I ordered enough for the boxes, for Brad's grandkids, and even one for Brad who also used to love such brainteasers.

Thank you Discount Party Supplies of Jackson MI. Thank you. (I'm going to call their customer service number later this week to thank them, I am!)

Pray matters, and somehow I believe this "yes" to a little prayer will make a difference that will unfold through the kindness to children far from Aurora and D.C.

"I just want..."

2011-10-28T04:48:00.000-05:00

Last year I turned 50, and Brad had a party here for me. If you have never been to our home, you need to know our downstairs is pretty much all one room--fairly good sized--with a living room area, kitchen and two dining areas.

The room was full and loud, and so when my friend Vicki came, I sat down with her at the dining room table. There was noise all around us, people laughing, talking over each other, and cheering for the Bears, but Vicki was quiet. I caught her staring at me, and I said, "Is there something you want to say to me?"

She said, very quietly, earnestly, and with effort, "I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday." I replied with a thank you, but I wanted to cry because I knew, by this birthday, today, she wouldn't be here. I decided to wrap those words so tight to my heart, to concentrate on her voice sharing them, that I would never forget our brief but so important friendship.

It was the last time I saw her, she died two weeks later. And as I type this, I cry like I couldn't that moment, but I smile thinking of her gift to me that day...

Genius

2011-10-27T06:47:00.000-05:00

You know me, cautious about "word art," but my friend Rose, also a teacher, just posted this on facebook, and it is spot on. As I worked on grading and report cards last night, I was thinking this, but not as eloquently.

There are few all around talented students. Instead of focusing on their weakness, I hope to choose to focus on their strengths.

Thanks Al.

Sears? Nope, Amazon

2011-10-25T20:55:00.000-05:00

Okay, it's the end of the quarter, and it's crunch time as we all gear up for report cards and then a week of parent conferences.

So this will be quick.

When I was a girl, my daddy worked for Sears when their slogan was, "Sears Has Everything." Well, Sears did sell many things, not everything, so in time they had to stop claiming that.

Bringing us to 2011...

We're making a class compost bin, and last night I needed more Red Wiggler worms (1000 total) than the local hardware store had. So I decided to try Amazon.com. Apparently Amazon.com has everything.

(Disclaimer, I have ordered directly from Uncle Jim in the past, but our school needed a source with some kind of connection to our billing, Amazon it was. Easiest of searches!)

Movie, meh?

2011-10-24T11:07:00.000-05:00

Question of the Week, Question of the Week!

I know, it's been a while. I guess when I'm being asked 569 questions each day, it's hard to come up with one on my own.

But this is a good one. So good, I had to think about it for a while to consider my answer.

What one movie did EVERYONE rave about, but when you saw it, you said, "Meh?"

Mine was Fargo.

There are others, but that was one that was just no good.

Now, yours?

Nina Marie, you are the muse for this post!

photo source

Past 59 If I Have Anything To Say About It, But I Don't...

2011-10-23T10:26:00.006-05:00

I will be 51 on Friday. My mom died at 59.

Each year I get closer to the age she died, I think, "What can I do to stick around to meet my grandchildren and see them grow up?"

Now I understand Mom is in THE most glorious place. But I AM one to question God's plan. My mom died of a massive heart attack nearly 20 years ago. She didn't take care of herself. One of my friends has tried to make clear to me that that was clearly "her time." But, if she had taken care of herself, would He have chosen a different time?

Yesterday, I was thinking, "She has missed out on knowing Mac. She would have adored him past the five years they shared on Earth."

Science tells us there are things we can do to be healthy, and the Bible tells us to take care of the temples in which He dwells--our bodies. Is that the lesson to be taken from her death? Be healthier?

Today I tried another 5K. Running/walking/running/walking--to that 3.1 miles finish line. And with each step I took, whatever my pace, I though of getting past, well past, 59.

(I finished 778 out of 899 runners, but with my personal best time! And no shin splints! Back to treadmill training...)

Piecey

2011-10-22T08:00:00.003-05:00

See below for what's up with these cookies,

but they're like these I made for Thanksgiving last year...

So I haven't joined Friday Fragments lately, but yesterday I decided to make it a goal. Ta da. I'm publishing my Friday Fragments on Saturday...

**************

Stepped out of my comfort zone twice in the last 48 hours.

One, I tried out for a musical at my former church even though I don't sing or dance. I wasn't nervous until I crossed the threshold, and then I was a basket case. We'll see what happens...

Two, I went to my first IT committee meeting (instructional technology). This attendance was forced on me, but still I did okay. There are some tech geeks (jealous) on the committee (including two brilliant HS girls), but I think the director also wants some less than tech savvy folks. He's got one in me.

*************

This past week, a young teacher at work said to me, "You do EVERYTHING, you are amazing." This was a "just in passing" comment. She's so kind, I was flattered but more than a little confused, so I asked her to tell me what "everything" meant. Really, it was nothing stellar. Just to clarify, I am not amazing and I don't do everything. (I'm really good at sitting on my buns; sure wish I could find more time for that.)

However two things came from this comment: One, me counting all the ways I'm not amazing and mentally marking off the things I don't know how to/can't do. Two, the memory of one of Brad's daughters-in-law telling me I'm a know-it-all. Allowing all these thoughts in hurt me. Why did I do that to myself? For Pete's sake, a sweet young teacher complimented me, shouldn't I just accept it and not question it?

I did go to her later to see if it was a good thing, I told her about the know-it-all comment to let her know I wasn't fishing for more compliments. So now she knows how insecure I am.

************

Confession: I am a sucker for thank you notes. I think it's important to send them. I got the nicest one from my friend Helen's daughter this week. A few weeks ago, I went to a baby shower for her, and she sent a cute, thoughtful, addressed-by-her-note.

I need to send out some thanks. As I've written recently, I don't do it enough.

************

Opened my mouth in a different work meeting this week, and now I find myself having to read a book I was only thinking about reading, implement the practice, and then teach others.

Right now, the only perk I see to this is that I don't have to buy the book as my principal is buying it for me.

*************

My class is a group of young ones this year but I think we're beginning to grow on us. This is the last week of the quarter, and I'm hoping we do some fun things to take a break, and I know we're going to start on our first service project. Deadlines to meet? Sure. Fun to have? Absolutely!

(Science unit to wrap up, science quiz, writing to publish, compost bin to assemble, art for the too blank walls, witches hat birthday treat, Operation Christmas Child begins...and for me lots of grading and report cards!)

************

Best thing about this week, my son came home from LSU for a short visit. We've managed to see quite a bit of him between his friend time. (And we've seen his friends too. Bonus!)

Thanks Mrs. 4444!

Word Art

2011-10-19T20:37:00.001-05:00

     I am guilty of this, guilty of what I am about to bash. I am guilty of taking words out of context, visual sound bites (now THERE's an oxymoron) to share.
     But this word art, these extractions, are getting out of hand. I blame the lack of people's willingness to read entire books, and lately Pinterest has made it easy to find pithy quotes to share. Pinterest spills into facebook, and in this case spills onto my blog.
     I like this quote. It's incredibly ponder worthy...

Today

2011-10-18T18:25:00.004-05:00

This morning, I read this facebook status of a good friend of mine:
"Ate at Parkside Grill with the boys tonite (Monday night basketball… for them, not for me). Missed our regular server, "Sarah," and got a very beige, uninterested guy. Not a fan of the apathetic serving technique. If you don't like your job, find something else to do!"

My first reaction was, "Yeah!" Immediately following that was the realization that I didn't like my job yesterday. In fact, I wanted to just walk out of my classroom and not return. Part of me wanted to write to my friend and say, "Hey cut him some slack," or "Walk in his shoes," or some similar namby-pamby reply. I wanted to tell her, "I had a crap day yesterday--can't even pinpoint why, but I am not going to and can't quit my job."

Why am I confessing this? Because beyond yesterday, I am having a tough year. Because I can't share details here other than to say I'm working harder than I ever have before, due to many circumstances. Working harder even than my first year of teaching when I had a class of 29.

So that's how my day started, and I can't say it got much better. But I can say, though it was a tough day, and though my heart hurts, I found some things to laugh about. Thank God, literally, for laughter.

Can't share those stories either. Not for confidentiality reasons, but because they wouldn't translate here.

Here's hoping, namby-pamby as it is, that my friend's server found something to giggle over today.

Fussbudget Alice and Apples

2011-10-16T17:30:00.008-05:00

     My mom was a worry wart. She didn't let us play in sandboxes, because cats pooped in them. We couldn't swim in others' pools, because she didn't know who peed in them. Real Christmas trees? Sure to ignite and engulf the room in flames. Bacon? Nitrates. Wasn't allowed to eat it for years.
     She was tight with money, she had to be, there were four and then five of us. No toys that required batteries, no Light Bright because it needed refills, and no Easy Bake Oven, she would tell me, "I'll just bake with you instead." Problem with that last one, she rarely baked, and so it wasn't a way in which we ever bonded.
     One thing I always wanted to do was make caramel apples. Never happened. Her reasons, she was too busy, they would be too labor intensive (all those caramels to unwrap), and we could just buy them already made in the store.
     Now, I'm not complaining, all parents have their faults (please don't ever ask Mac to list mine), and you know from other posts, I loved (still love) my mom. She wasn't much of a cook, and I'm guessing as I look back, she didn't see a need to get me enthused about something she didn't enjoy. (Now reading, that's a different subject...)
     I thought of her this weekend when I decided to give caramel apples a try. I used a simple crock pot recipe I found on line, and here are the results:

     Yes, and that's the inside of my fridge. Unwrapping the Kraft caramels was easy, I did sitting on the couch with a big bowl on my lap while watching TV. I call that relaxing. I melted the caramel, stirring frequently in the crock pot while I graded papers. A nice distraction from science, and in a way science.
     School work mostly done, I dipped away.
     One thing I wonder though is how to thicken up the caramel before spooning it over the apples. So much of it pooled to the wax paper.

This one is the last one and the ugliest one I made. Can you tell I was done with it? Of course, I didn't have room for one more on the sheets I was using, of course I didn't want to waste the caramel. This is probably going to be my dinner (fruit, veggie--see the corn, chocolate comes from a bean, and there is milk in the caramel...), since Brad just got called out to show houses...I'll let you know how it tastes. I think I'll start with the caramel that's in the cupcake paper, and then move to the apple.
I lift my apple stick to Mom!

Get over yourself, El

2011-10-13T21:03:00.000-05:00

     I've been working late into the evenings a lot this year, more than any other. One night this week, I was leaving school at about 6:45, when I stopped in to see a peer whom I rarely get to see during the school days (she always works late--she is amazing and has many responsibilities). We chatted a bit about an upcoming staff party, and then she asked how Mac was doing.
     He is doing well.
     She choked up when she recalled my sharing his struggles with depression. I don't write about his depression here, and I never openly shared much simply because the story is Mac's to share. He is an adult, and I respect his want to tell it his way. But right before his undergraduate commencement, at a faculty meeting, I celebrated with pride and relief in his accomplishment; knowing a few of my nearest and dearest peers had been there with me through the darkness days. She told me she found that brave. She wondered why more people aren't as open. Then she told me her daughter is deeply involved with depression and its accompanying issues, and she cried.
     We had a candid talk. We had a long talk.
     I left her feeling as though my words had helped. I left her feeling pretty darn good about myself.
     When I was almost home I realized what an idiot I am. I didn't help her, I didn't need to be so full of myself, God used me. God gave me the words. At the end of a very long day, suddenly I found the energy to listen, to think, and to use candor and grace to reply? That's not me, that's God.
     It's really time I give Him the credit, don't you agree? If I ever come off as eloquent, it is His doing not my polish.
   I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Without Him, I will never be strong or wise enough.

Giving Thanks...more

2011-10-12T19:41:00.001-05:00

Last week, I shared a post about writing thank you notes, and then I found myself given the opportunity to do just that. What a smile writing those notes brought to my face! I also received a wonderful email of thanks from a parent. She said she hesitated to bother me, and then thanked me for her daughter's great year. Bother? Not!

But beyond that, beyond the notes, I've been thinking more about gratitude, noticing the pluses of giving thanks and sometimes feeling shocked and dismayed by the lack of thanks given. There's really nothing in life we should take for granted.

I went to Biblegateway.com and typed in "give thanks," and of course came up with a couple of pages of matches. We are meant to give thanks to God. I don't do it enough. How about you? We are meant too, to give thanks to others--I believe--and in showing such gratitude to His children we are thanking God too--for all the kindnesses in our lives. He puts them there, He places people in our times of small and great needs.

Earnestly thanking people is another area in which I fail. I'm often so busy, I have to put on my brakes to express more that a reflex response. I need to work to be in that moment when someone is sharing something thoughtful.

So I'm thinking, the next time someone waves me out in traffic, offers me chocolate, shares a kind word, does me a favor, the next time anyone does anything that I'm thankful for, I will make sure to thank that person. And after that, I will thank God for that person. What a gift His tender mercies are in our lives.

Be Kind, I'm Not Martha

2011-10-11T04:16:00.000-05:00

At the latter part of the summer, I came across a blog post or pinterest photo of some candy corn pumpkins. They were spray painted, and looked very artistic. I made the point of grabbing yellow and white paint at Michael's (much cheaper than spray paint).

And this week I got down to painting.

They turned out cute, so I put them on our front porch. The bushes just to the right are slowly turning red, so in time there will be much fall color in our little space.

Setting these out there was a nice almost end to my lazy-just-what-I-needed-three-day-weekend.

This was my last project. While in Lake Geneva this summer, I saw a lot of topiary kits for sale. They ranged in price from $15-25, and though I was tempted I decided to try my own. Finally got around to that yesterday too. I took six feet of dollar store floral wire, shaped it into a heart, stuck it in some foam, put it all in a pot I already owned, and wrapped some ivy (live) around it. Time will tell, I suppose!*

Brad left around 4:30 to show houses, so I dragged out my science manuals, lesson plan book, purple pen for grading, and all the homework I refused to think about for most of the weekend. Got it done hours later.

*I have vowed to not buy another craft item until I use up some I have. Next, back into knitting-a scarf for myself--and a Christmas wreath (that I started in the summer...) With the way this school year is going, you won't see those until Thanksgiving break!

A blog? That's nothin'! (But I digress...)

2011-10-10T11:11:00.003-05:00

Yeah, so, I have a blog.

Someone convinced me to do this a while back because, "You're a good writer, you love to talk about God, and setting up a blog is easy."

So I did.

But that doesn't mean I'm a techie--setting up a blog IS easy. That's as techie as I get. (BTW, writing about God is hard. And I'm not so convinced I'm a good writer. This post isn't about God. See previous post.) Techie stuff (beyond blogging), well, it escapes me. (So it's extra funny that I am on the IT committee for our school district. I'm certain that's fodder for another post. I wonder if I'll be able to post while at IT meetings?)

Anyway...

Last week, my husband replaced my almost five-year-old flip phone which I used only for calling people (mostly just him and Mac) with whatever-version-iPhone-was-free-because-they're-bringing- out-whatever-version-iPhone-is-next. I have to mention here that I received my new old phone on the same day Steve Jobs died. My son says I'm responsible for Mr. Jobs' death. Yeah, that's how tech inept he thinks I am. Techie Armageddon.

Anyway again, Brad handed me this phone, and I was quick to realize (with his help as I didn't even know how to turn it on), that NONE of my numbers were transferred. Fortunately I know Brad's and Mac's numbers by heart, so I was good for a few days.

Come Saturday morning, I was determined to figure this thing out. I know this is easy for the rest of you, but here's what I learned:

How to enter contacts (purged some).
How to set up a new iTunes account.
How to pick a ring tone, "How Great is Our God," for most, "Broken Road" for Brad, and I think some Oasis song for Mac. That one's undecided.
Then I played with the camera (at school on Friday, my kids said they'd help me, but I did want to try myself before asking a nine-year-old for help.)
Posted one facebook status update.

Took a break...

That night at church, while waiting to learn how to serve communion, I purchased my first app, the NLT version of the Bible! (Of this I am proud.)
Set the font on the app to a size I can read.
Then, I realized I was waiting in the wrong spot for communion training when I figured out how to access my gmail and read. "meet at the beverage station," when I was in fact standing by the cafe.
Hustled across the atrium to find someone who would know where to find the person I was supposed to have met for training, keeping my gmail open to show said person's name!
Served communion (I know that's not tech stuff, but it's God stuff which IS more important)
Used said Bible app during the pastor's message.
Took the above picture of the communion table...must learn more about camera settings.

That was enough 21st century progress for one day, here's what I did for the rest of the weekend (which isn't yet over, thank you evil ol' Columbus!)

Bought a new welcome mat. Convenient that all our names start with S, don't you agree? Hoping this one doesn't blow away.

Took care of my neglected pansies and planted one more mum plant.

Refilled the counter candy jar of our fall display.
Those mellocreme pumpkins (just bought on Saturday) are almost gone, so I think that jar isn't long for the counter (it's been filled three times and there are only two people living here, do the math). However, Brad is not above taking the candle out, the base out, and swiping candy from the candle holder...

Darned if I do, darned if I don't.

Finished a mini wreath for school.

(And got a great idea for kids' Xmas gifts to their parents...mini-er wreaths! Found a great web site for them.)

Moved my maxi-yarn wreath (yes, I'm taking maxi back) from the door to the basement bannister, added a bow, loving the new location for it, and hung last year's bat wreath (which I still like) on the back door.

Started a pumpkin project. We'll see if you'll see them when done...

Added these cute little pine cones to my vase of lil' pumpkins for our table centerpiece.

Sometimes a walk outside is a great idea (versus the treadmill)!

Paid some attention to my inside mums.

Walked about ten miles all totaled, wintered some geraniums, added worms to the compost bin, napped, took in a movie with my favorite man, and no one, not all weekend, called me

Miss Stewart.

The break I needed. Putter time.

I'm starting to miss my kids, and this is a good sign, and I do have some homework to do for the week...but not yet.

Right now, I'm savoring simple pleasures.

How was/is your weekend?

Holding Tight

2011-10-09T08:18:00.002-05:00

     I sometimes remember to listen to Alistair Begg on AM 1160 in the morning. This past week, after a long break, I punched the buttons to find him. I wish I could remember the whole message. I wish I could remember the Bible verses it was attached to. But as I'm "listening," I'm also driving in much stop-and-go traffic and thinking about my day. It's hard for me to be in the moment.
     So this post about God isn't going to be as moving as Pastor Begg's talk was, but I want to share a word picture from him anyway.
     At some point, Pastor Begg was talking about new believers, and how they think they must hold fast to God or lose Him. Pastor Begg reminded new believers, and really all of us, that God holds fast to us. Always.
     He talked about his new grandchild, about how his daughter doesn't let her baby in a moving vehicle of any kind, "not for even 15 feet," without a car seat. Of course, this makes total sense. You wouldn't put a baby in the back of a station wagon or pick-up unguarded, loose, and say, "Hold on baby! See you when we get to our destination!" right before peeling out onto a busy street.
     Then he reminded us that God doesn't do that either. God holds us tightly just like a car seat holds a baby. God doesn't want us to fall away from Him just like parents want their children held tight and close.
     When I was a new believer, I used to imagine myself climbing into God's lap, and I would place my hand on His cheek as we talked. That contact, that touch, made all the difference in my prayer time. It became real. Holding on. Think of the last time you held a baby or a toddler. Did you hold that baby loosely? No. Did you even consider letting him fall? No. Did it warm your heart when he reached back for you? Yes.
     God is like that. God holds us when nothing else can tether us. God hangs on even if we let go.
     An associate of mine from my former church is in hospice. I didn't know her situation was quite so dire, but last night I noted lots of well wishes on her facebook wall, saw she was on-line, so over IM I asked her to share her prognosis. She told me "a few weeks." She said she's having a hard time, her exact words, "holding on to" God. So I shared Pastor Begg's truth, and I told her how I still touch His cheek when I feel most adrift.
     She, Julie, thanked me for the imagery; said it mattered. I told her it wasn't imagination, it was truth, and I was humbled to know that maybe I helped ease a bit of her pain. Beyond that though, I was thankful to God for leading me to switch the radio station early this week, to cause me to stop a few moments and push my concerns aside to listen to His heart explained.
   We are held.

Friday Fragments, Coincidences

2011-10-07T05:57:00.001-05:00

Quickly because it's been that kind of week...

I wrote on Wednesday about thank you cards. On that same day, I received a gift from a student, so I was also given the opportunity to write a thank you. That, more than the gift, made me smile. (If I were a proficient blogger, there'd be a photo of the little wooden turtle brought back from Mexico right here. Guess you'll just have to imagine it.)

Yesterday I shared some frustration I feel this year, in particular, about parents. Teacher friends replied on fb, but not on my blog. It's sad to me that we don't feel free to share what we're experiencing. BUT...coincidentally, I got the nicest email from a mom yesterday. She made my teacher's heart sing with joy!

Steve Jobs died on the same day my husband picked up a new old version iPhone for me. (Whatever G that it, it was a free G!) I don't need anything fancier, thank you. So far I've figured out how to enter two numbers, make a call, and I've taken a few pictures. I don't even know how it sounds when it rings. Good thing I'm staring down a three day weekend...

This is candor, not complaining

2011-10-06T06:36:00.005-05:00

Too often of late, I find myself wishing that more parents were like mine were, like I was as a mom, and they didn't blame the teacher for the child's mistakes and shortcomings, but instead they realized that yes their very own kids make mistakes. Or that yes, their teachers work very hard especially at getting the kids to work harder--or at all. I'm being inundated by parents who feel the need to overdefend their children, to overexplain their children, when I just want to say,

"Homework is meant to come back when due."

"Yes, I reminded your child of that five times."

"I wrote the homework in two places."

"It would be great if your child listened more and talked less."

"Yes, I reminded your child of that three times."

"I know what fourth graders can do, and I will not lower my standards."

"I understand you love your child, I love her too, and so I cannot accept this behavior."

"Your child is not the only one I'm dealing with at any given time."

"Even your child make mistakes."

When did student errors and mistakes become the teacher's fault? When did people, not all but many, start to believe and excuse their kids' behaviors and decide it was okay to blame the teacher instead of encouraging their children to do a better job?

I am simply overwhelmed by parents who take their child's word as gospel and use it to attack me or my peers. I am tired of explaining how we do things in my classroom. I am a good, solid, organized teacher and have never worked harder to simply get my kids to listen. I find myself actually saying, "Pay attention to me," at least ten times a day.

I find myself thinking of work all the time--the dark of night, first thing when I wake, in a middle of a discussion about something else with my husband--my children infiltrate. There is no free time. I carry my students with me everywhere. Thank God for an understanding son and husband who allow these other people, strangers to them, into our relationships.

However...with all that said...

Truth be told, the biggest challenge teachers face are the parents of struggling students who have no contact with the school or teachers, no matter how we work to reach out to them. The first parents have the ability to hurt my feelings, the latter, well, they just break my heart. I am considering just showing up on the front porch of one of my students whose mom just won't reply to my many efforts and methods to strike up a discussion.

Be involved, be realistic, be supportive of both your child and your child's teacher. Instead of making a demand or accusation, say, "Please, tell me what happened today..." Think about, "What can I do that will best help my child?" Ask questions to gain understanding. It's a partnership we can all grow from.

Thank You

2011-10-05T06:40:00.000-05:00

Who could you, should you, might you write a thank you note to today?

That's my question this week. That's my goal for this day.

To write at least one. Even though I'm busy. Even though I'm tired.

Because the nice things people do matter, and they should know.

Shin Splints

2011-10-03T21:36:00.002-05:00

I think I have them. Except when I read up on them on the Net, one site I found they're not a true medical diagnosis.

Huh.

Though they may not be a real thing, I'm supposed to rest them and not do more than walk for two weeks. How can they have a treatment plan if they aren't a real thing? They must be real, right?

Plus, there's actually a facebook page for how to treat shin splints. Only one person liked it, so I decided to like it too. Maybe somewhere, someone is going, "Yes, two likes!" Perhaps if you like it, and you tell two friends to like it, and so on, we might get to ten likes by the end of the week...

Makes the pain all seem kind of worth it.

photo from said site with two likes

I Wouldn't Call Myself a Runner, Yet

2011-10-03T04:43:00.012-05:00

To benefit sick kids with an "orphan disease."

     Back about six years ago, I decided to train for my church's spring 5K. Non-athletic me, I couldn't even run from one house to another in my subdivision, so I decided to start inside. I jumped rope many mornings from November to February to build stamina, and then in February I started running outside in the dark early mornings or dark early evenings.
     I took me a while, but I got up to three miles on pavement in the dark and cold.
     Less than a week before the April race, I got a stomach bug. Still wiped out on race day, I ran some and walked some. It was hot, it was daylight, and I was weak. I found I wasn't up for running after that.
     Bounce ahead a few years to when Brad and I acquired our treadmill, and I acquired another decade. I decided last summer, 2010, to try running. I used the Couch to 5K program, got to 5K, and then school got the better of me.
   Disgusted with my couch potato life, I decided this summer to again do the C25K program, or at least a version of it, with the date of October 2nd in my head. A run/walk to benefit the Histiocytosis Foundation. One of our students has just started his fifth remission year, free of this cancer like disease.
   Here's what I learned yesterday. Running on a treadmill watching lame, distracting TV is much easier than running on hard pavement hopping curbs, assessing tilted walkways, avoiding walkers, and being grossed out by spit bombs. My shins hurt before I reached half a mile. Though I used to love running in the cold, I hadn't yet run anywhere but my basement, and the 40 degree morning hurt my lungs.
   Verdict? My body wasn't ready. I walked much more than I ran. I walked about as fast as I run.
   I am not a runner yet.
   Solution? Keep working on the treadmill. Do some real rope jumping (on cement). Run outside on weekend mornings in the daytime until the snow falls (ours is not a safe neighborhood to run through in the dark--mostly due to traffic). Sign up for another 5K.
     I have a healthy body. It's essential to push.

October Equations

2011-10-01T08:42:00.005-05:00

September was busy, overwhelming, tiring, frustrating and heartbreaking. Normally I work to focus on the positive, but September just wore me out. It's fitting that I fell asleep on the couch last night by 8:15 (after messily painting my nails red and with both arms hanging off couch), got myself upstairs at one point, and slept until 8:11 this morning. (Brad was so snoringless at his usually heavy sleep and breathe time, that I wondered if he was even in bed.)
I woke to realize we're in a new month. Looking ahead I have much to do work wise, the exhaustion isn't going to abate, but today I'm going to focus on the good stuff:

Haircut today = good-bye mullet (no photo available!)
Library books turned in today = avoiding collections

(one is a week overdue, and yeah, collections has already been threatened)

Rare warm days = a few more bike rides
The arrival of these = fun bling for Art and me

Columbus the wretched = a day off from school

Learning a new science unit = smarter Ellie

Mac coming home for a wedding = happy mom

His friend Julie visiting from Paris = we're saving for a dinner out

Tomorrow a 5K = Today asking, "Will I make it?"

Three weeks from now a 5K = Today asking, "Should I try another?"

Birthday month = first coupon in email for a free burger (Red Robin)

Phone dying + birthday month + contract ending = new phone

Halloween (ugh) = reason to put Snoopy and Charlie Brown on my stairs (cute)

Blue skies on a weekend = drive to pumpkin farm, even though we're just two old folks

(photo taken at Kuipers last year)
Seeing how long we can go without turning on the furnace = smaller gas bills for as long as possible!

What's your simple pleasure math for this month?

Clarity Provided Nonetheless

2011-09-29T06:50:00.000-05:00

     A while back I shared a couple of posts about God's prompting me to repair a family relationship on my in-laws' side. In-laws? Step-kids? I'm not sure what fits. Challenging? Challenging fits.
     I married Brad in 2007, and I haven't accompanied him to see his family since Christmastime of 2008. Early visits were always a little awkward, and the last visit was just an all around unhappy one; not just for me. Emails were exchange after that, in time mean words were shared, peculiar accusations were made, and the thought of going back just wasn't a welcoming one.
   I felt his kids didn't believe it necessary to make an effort to get to know me. I felt like anything I said was weighed and judged beyond its true intent. I figured out that I didn't matter except to be picked at, picked apart or ignored. Mostly ignored.
     Brad understood and was okay with any decision I made. I made the decision to stay here.
   It was and is hard because they are Brad's family, and he loves them very much. I hoped to honor that by getting to know them. It's difficult also, because I'm a little envious of the relationship Brad and Mac have--it's a good one, a respect filled one.   They share their love for me, they value their love from me, and there's such peace between the three of us. It's a blessing.
     For months, God had been prompting me to walk through and work through the in-law/step-kid stuff, to offer an olive branch in attempt to repair relationships. There was no question of what He wanted me to do.
     On top of that Godly kick in the pants is the realization that I have reason for concern when Brad drives to see his family. He has back disease, he takes medicine for extreme pain, and the drugs make him sleepy on long drives. So though I don't worry, I do pray while he's away, and I'd feel better if I were there to spell him as the second driver.
     And, Brad tells me whenever I'm not at a family gathering, "There is an elephant in the room." Perhaps only he feels it, this I cannot know. (Score: Ellie none--elephant 1.)
    With all those factors considered I reached out to one stepdaughter-in-law. She said she had no bad feelings toward me, but no thanks. No bad feelings at all, yet no good ones either.     When gifts are sent to any of the grandkids, if a thank you is received it is sent (via email) to Brad--even when the gift is from me singularly. This has always been the case, but has happened since I reached out. So that's another clue.
      Come holiday time, I may drive to Indy with Brad and hang out in our hotel or with local friends while he's with family. But attend a family gathering with him? I have determined I would be more of an elephant in the room if I were to show up after three years of absence than I would be in continuing with my absence.
     It would seem they are more comfortable with family as is. It has been made clear they don't think about this rift as often as I do (or really ever at all). They do not find repair important because to them nothing is broken. I have to stop making this be about me.
     Looking beyond that...there is good.
     I was obedient to God. I did exactly what he told me to do. I pursued it beyond initial contact. I was gentle in my requests. I got a clear no. Leery at the prospect and puzzled at the response, it still simply feels right to follow a prompting.
      I'm still not sure of His intention, but this past weekend I received more clarity and calm. He continues, as my friend Connie says, to hold the pen--mine is His story to tell.

*This is not a manipulative act to get them to know how I'm feeling. From what I have discerned over time, none of his children read my blog. So while it's on the world wide web, this is a safe place to share these feelings.

If, by some fluke, this post is "discovered," rebuttal is welcome.

Spot On

2011-09-28T05:13:00.003-05:00

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

— Maya Angelou

Having short hair...

2011-09-26T18:46:00.000-05:00

...causes me to wake up looking like Professor Irwin Corey every morning.

Gotta tell you, though mine is less gray (thanks to the grace of whatever was on sale in the hair color aisle at Wag's/CVS/Ulta), catching that first glimpse in the mirror each morning makes me cringe and giggle simultaneously.

Am I the only one who remembers this man?

Born in 1914, he is still (apparently) alive...

Hearty Shoes

2011-09-25T07:59:00.002-05:00

Yesterday for Shoe Style Saturday Dani asked,

Do you have a pair of shoes that make you feel like you can do anything?

I fleetingly thought about my red Steve Madden Mary Jane pumps, sexy, cute, and photogenic but not empowering.

I left Dani a comment telling her about my sneaks, but you know, I think I've written about those before, so I didn't join her link-up party in a timely manner. Been there, done that, right?

I had a restless sleep last night filled with lots of weird dreams.

I have to figure out my new science unit today--are there shoes that will help me with that?

Tonight is the LLS walk in memory of Vicki, whose shoes I've written about, and I was thinking of the logistics of that. The emotions will come later.

As I laid in bed wishing I could have fallen back to sleep, I decided, "So what if I've written about my sneaks before? I finally hit three miles yesterday!"

So sneaks it is!

I have Nikes that I bought to walk in, thinking I'd never try running again. I ran in them when I started Couch to 5K last year, but they weren't enough support. Last fall, right before I gave up C25K, I went to Naperville Running Company (pictured above) , and I was fitted and filmed running (thank goodness just my feet) in my current Brooks running shoes.

I stopped running shortly after that due to my schedule and my laziness.

This summer I started again. It's been a slow go, I'm a slow go, but it IS a go.

So...

Besides the walk tonight to aid in raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society,

besides the run (and walk, I'm sure) for next week to benefit Histio Heroes,

these shoes are of benefit to my heart.

My mom died at 59 of a massive heart attack.

I am almost 51.

My dad had quintuple bypass surgery in his 60s.

I take after him in more ways than my name.

So, walking with Vicki's loved ones?

Running for cure?

Fighting the disease that took my mom's life--and the obesity that runs in my family?

They aren't pretty, so no picture needed, but in them I can do MORE!

And I intend to.

Tonight We're Walking In Memory of Vicki

2011-09-25T06:52:00.001-05:00

It's not too late, it's never too late to donate:

http://pages.lightthenight.org/il/WSuburbn11/EStewart-Seaman

Shootin' For

2011-09-22T21:04:00.000-05:00

"Five out of seven" has a nice ring to it.

Seven out of seven is too tough.

So in effort to take care of myself better I hope to do and have been accomplishing the following at least five out of seven days:

floss
use "anti-aging" creams (so on my next birthday I'll go back a year)
take my vitamins

Please note, exercise in not on the above list. Right now I'm managing 3 or 4 out of seven and that's okay.

One goal to add: reading 7 out of 7 days for at least 30 minutes

Another: 3 nights out of 7 with no TV watching

(Makes the reading goal more doable, eh?)

And: Finish something homemade once a month.

(Hey, did you read the post about my job's overwhelming qualities?)

picture in pink...

Do you have any ratios you're working on?

I should be...

2011-09-21T06:01:00.001-05:00

...running. And I will, once I publish this.

This is one of those posts about which I am feeling cautious. I want to tell you all what's up. So many of you have reached out to me lately via facebook messages and email, and I don't want to cause unnecessary worry because I'm okay. I am concerned I'll write too much as I attempt to explain. (Or I'll just bore you all!)

School started a month ago, and it has worn me out.

I had another sinus infection, and this time I opted to not go to the doctor. In time, not in due time obviously, I will see a specialist. Eight infections in one year is excessive.

My kids are sweet, but I have a few more than a handful who ~~like~~ love to talk. Now, this might not seem like a big thing, except that every time I share a direction or an ask (about 250 times a day), I have to repeat myself at least twice (some days I've counted, and it's been up to seven times--often for very simple directions like, "Take out your binder."). When I ask for their attention, many of them think I want it for a only a second and no longer. So I get their attention, but it's really an endeavor to keep it.

I feel bad for the kids who are working to listen all the time. They lose their precious learning time too.

As a whole, my kiddos cannot settle down from recess, and many spend a lot of time talking during transitions, so we lose recess minutes as the day goes on. Recess, once earned (something I've never had to qualify before), is at the very end of the day--there's no instruction readiness after recess.

I find I am working more with children at times when I am accustomed to their being independent. I run through lunch and plan time--working more than past years during those precious moments--and stay until six on Thursdays and Fridays when I don't have tutoring after school. Homework for me is a given.

It's been super hard to get the kids into any routine, to get myself into a routine, and we're still working on scheduling and instruction changes. So any routines attempted keep changing.

There are some other challenges too. I have received a number of emails from a concerned parent, and I have answered every one. I have been misunderstood in many of these communications no matter how I work to phrase things. Over the weekend, I received a reply that had me in tears. I was devastated, I think I reacted that way because I have been working so hard on so many other aspects of my classroom and instruction, and that's not going to change for the entire year. I saw the year unfold...

(In retrospect, the funny part is that I cried in Dominick's--a grocery store. It all just hit me whilst walking the aisles. I couldn't focus enough to choose a cereal...finally I chose Froot Loops. Can you say, "In need of comfort food?" When we got in the car, Brad said, "Didn't you want to go to Bed, Bath and Beyond?" I laughed and said, "I couldn't decide on cereal, I'm certainly not going to be able to focus on choosing barware!" I have this need for trying out that amaretto margarita idea and I love a just-right-glass...no worries, no plans to imbibe every night!)

Today our schedule changes yet again. By next week, we'll have many reading interventions to implement, and second quarter I'm going to more with the reading workshop I've been reading about and planning for. I'm taking on something new because it is best for the kids, but I'm waiting to do it right.

Science is new. Math is different. Much for me to learn before I teach.

In addition, this year I offered to be one of our building union reps, and I was undersold on the requirements/expectations of the position. It's a big responsibility, and I want to represent my peers well. I'm not a militant union person, but in our case we are strong and collaborative, and I think it's important to be a part of that. (Two years ago, we all took a pay freeze to keep our peers employed. The media missed out on thoroughly reporting that good act.) Ours is a group that cares for children.
I have to focus on the small victories and growth I see in the kids. And I do see growth, finding the time to reflect is the trick.

I love my job. It is a blessing.

I am not complaining. I am simply tired.

Sometimes I am too spent to think when I get home.

Representing my staff is an honor.

I ask that you respect because you went to school doesn't mean you know what it's like to be a teacher. Because your kids went or go to school doesn't mean you know what it's like to be a teacher. If you taught more than five years ago, you no longer know what it's like to be a teacher--things have changed that much. We work harder than ever.

It is an important job.

I have some wonderfully involved parents who have said and done some really nice things! I can't wait to get to know them all better. How generous they are! Art mom, copy mom, valance making mom, a dad who thanks me every time I send a group email, a math mom who thanked me for wanting to include her in a group email, party moms, Operation Christmas Child donations being discussed...all smiles there!

I tutor three special girls after school who make my heart sing.

Putting this all in perspective, this too shall pass. Jesus is with me. Brad and I are good. He's been great at home with helping me, soothing me, and tucking me in--often early. My team of fellow fourth grade teachers are the most agreeable people I have ever worked with. I forget to, but I should thank God for them daily. I have friends going through trials I cannot imagine, things that make my pressures seem featherweight. I grab hold of that and pray for them. That helps the most. Prayer. Knowing my prayers count and knowing friends are praying for me has held me up, so in turn I talk to God in hopes of doing the same for others. What a gift that is.

900th post

2011-09-20T06:43:00.003-05:00

Jesus.

Josh Wilson

2011-09-19T05:17:00.002-05:00

(photo by my friend Harry Miyamoto)

Last Sunday night, while I was on my blog break, Brad and I went to see Josh Wilson at a sort of nearby church. We had seen him as an opening act twice recently, and we said if he ever "headlined" we'd see him if we could.

We mistakenly arrived about 1.5 hours before show time, and the church staff were gracious enough to let us in early, so we were blessed with first row center seats.

I didn't bring my camera, and that was okay. I wanted to savor the show. But my friend Harry showed up, and he's almost always with a camera, so I asked him to share this.

Simply put, if you ever have a chance to see Josh, do.

He put on a two hour solo show, no band, he was his own band.

He's funny.

He's richly talented.

God was with us.

Brad said, he felt we were all in the presence of David--as in King David--

writer of psalms and songs.

"He expresses all that is good in living for our God. We need people like this to help guide our way to the Father. Pray for his influence and his walk of faith."

Shoe Style Saturday, in a belated fashion

2011-09-18T09:42:00.002-05:00

It was gorgeous here yesterday, and Brad dragged me out for a bike ride. Bless him! We literally left the vacuum plugged in, my school bags tipped over and spilling out, laundry in the washer and dryer, and we seized the day.

We rode about ten miles along the Fox River, his favorite ride, and it was hard work, physical and beautiful. We stopped at a nursery for a mum plant and found a fall fest happening. Then we came home and went to church, stopped for dinner, and wandered Home Goods.

A lovely date day with the man who has been so good to me always but especially with this rocky (nope, not "rockin'") school year start.

Anyway, I went to join in with Dani's hop late last night, but my camera battery was dead. Oops! So I'm joining in a little late:

So which to choose? I've been remiss in my linking up...

You like the purple sports bra hanging on the closet door? I knew you would! Or the cubby with the eyeglasses? Or the Chico bags tossed in with the shoes? I'm not so organized of late...

Anyway, I chose three pair because I didn't join in last week, and Erin's post made me think of another pair.

Pair one, shoes I keep but never wear because they hurt:

I am a purger. For most items I stick with the rule, "Haven't worn it in a year, donate it!" Still, I've had these for four years, and I've only worn them once--four years ago. That adorable ring in the middle? So stylish, even four years after purchase? It's metal, it digs in, and IT HURTS! Still, I keep thinking I could just glue some felt on the back to pad them...but have I? NOPE! Think it's time to add it to my winter project list!
(BTW, Brad picked these out.)

Erin posted about shopping at Clark's. My friend Brenda swears by Clark's, so I bought these, the most stylish Clark's I could find:

Funnily enough, they hurt my feet after a few hours. I still wear them, but my feet are not happy at day's end. I can't get rid of them, they cost too much. I've had them for four years, too, and I keep thinking, "Maybe with the right socks..."
(BTW, Brad picked these out too.)

These clogs were purchased at Kohl's early last month. They were my only back-to-school purchase. Oh, they seem so comfy and squishy. Leather, sueded leather, and a Mary Jane strap. I'll be wearing them with jeans and with skirts with black tights. My teacher fashion staples...

(BTW, I picked these out, but Brad was with me!) I'd say I can't wait to wear them, but that would be a lie. It has to be much cooler to wear them, I'm still too into my flips to think about shoes AND socks. Other than for this meme of course!

It's Fall Y'all...

2011-09-16T20:56:00.002-05:00

Before I begin, I just want to thank the surprising number of you who left comments, sent me personal emails, and contacted me on facebook over the past week. I'm not going to get into it tonight; suffice it to say, it's been a tough start to the school year.

More on that another day though.

You are all such blessings in my life.

And now on to the Non-Martha Stewart me.
Tonight all you get is fluff.

I'm not fall crazy like so many people. I know why, it's because fall is followed by winter, and I hate to be cold. Winter here seems to go on forever, and I endeavor not to whine about it, but have I told you I hate to be cold?

However, in effort to be more optimistic and embrace the coldish season that leads to the longest and coldest season, I've been considering ways to celebrate fall. Truth? It was easy to actually ignore fall until this week when the temps turned from the 70s on Wednesday to a balmy 30 yesterday morning. Wednesday night we were bringing flowers inside to keep them from perishing when that 30 smacked us.

Just last weekend I had told Brad, "I'm not going to do any fall decorating until October 1." He pointed out that would leave us little time to enjoy the season, so I acquiesced, and during my bloggy break, I started bringing fall in and I made this wreath.

     I had seen some I liked on etsy, but they were priced over $25, and that just seemed ridiculous to me. Looking on-line I found lots of tutorials, even one on my stepdaughter-in-law's blog. Easy stuff for this non-crafty girl. I spent less than ten dollars on this one (thank you dollar store ribbon and Michael's coupons and teacher discount.) It only took a few evenings, a little bit at a time, the perfect project as it required no thinking. I was thought out by the time I made it home each night.
     (No tutorial here, it doesn't really require one, but I did use a skein and a half of cheapo yarn, it just was too thin with only one. And it looks a little uneven because, as it turns out, the wreath itself was far from even. Like fine crystal, it has it flaws. That's how you know it's handmade!)
      Brad likes it, and I think it looks okay. I do love that the felt for the leaves was made from recycled soda pop bottles! Green crafting.
     I may hang it here instead...

What do you think? There's no point in hanging it on our front door. No one, not even us, uses that door. Selfishly, I want to see it!
And if you're impressed by that craftiness, hold on, and take a gander at these:

tonight I actually took a few moments to paint my toenails. Oh they were long over due. Can one have roots on toenails? If so, I did...

All this is in effort to forget the bags of work I left in my car:

Oh wait, I promised that for another post. Happy weekend to me, happier weekend to you!

Coming soon, our new second compost bin! Can you stand it?

Some wild living's happening around here.

In Memory of Jack Donaldson, Age 12

2011-09-10T11:53:00.000-05:00

I hate God's perspective stick.

Hate it.

This week was hard for me, I found myself exhausted by Tuesday and pushing to make it through each day and night, and yesterday I decided to take a break from blogging. Something had to give, and this little piece of my world would be it for a week or so. I was tired, and now I'm sick, so it turns out a break from little tensions might have been a good idea.

But that break is over because my heart is hurting for a woman I have never met. Hurting beyond passing fatigue and pressures of everyday life.

I have to share this here, because it's the only venue I have to spill beyond the tears already spilling from my eyes.

Perspective? Today I logged into facebook to learn that a fellow blogger's son had drowned in a creek in the DC area. I've been reading her blog for about two years now, she is talented, funny, creative, self-deprecating and normal. Her kids are annoying, funny, bright, well-loved, and beautiful. Her writing was always honest and real.

Her son has died. That's truly more real than I can stand.

In the Washington Post article I found about Jack's death, his mom was quoted:

“He said he didn’t understand why people were afraid to die,” Anna Donaldson said, “because heaven is such a great place.”

So often in life, on blogs and facebook, we ask for prayers. I'm sitting here, states away from the mother and family of this beautiful boy, asking for the same for them. Hoping and praying that the faith this boy held onto so strongly holds them right back as they begin to grieve a loss they will feel for their lifetimes.

Praying is all I can do for them, but I believe it matters, it matters most. Jack is firmly in Jesus' arms and now knowing for certain what he expressed to his mom. Heaven is the best.

Respite

2011-09-09T06:26:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure why the start of this school year is hitting me so hard.

But I am depleted.

Maybe each year is exhausting, and like labor, I forget between "new babies."

And, like being a new mom, there has been no rest. Sleep has been elusive; my mind is always racing.

I haven't been spending enough time with Brad, there's been no running, I haven't been reading much, my DIY projects are gathering dust, my flowers and compost are feeling great neglect, and my roots and nails are in desperate need of refreshment!

In other words, I'm feeling a little scrambled.

So I'm going to take a week off from this blog.

See you soon!

Incredibly inexhaustably thankful...

2011-09-07T19:44:00.001-05:00

This is a lovey dovey post. It is all 100% truth, and it needs to be said.

I am thankful for so many people in my life. Here are a few that have warmed my heart this week.

Mrs. K. for volunteering to be my "copy mom." She will save me an hour and a half each week working with that blasted machine. She will also force me to stay organized. I must be organized for her, and the benefit is, when I'm organized for her my week goes more smoothly. I'm getting there!

Mrs. M. for making my class valance! Yes, I could do it (trusty seam ripper at the ready), but I'm thinking she'll do it better and faster than I would (especially since there are 25 things on my to do list before this project.)

My fourth grade team Brad and Betsy. We are solid and supportive, and I love them.

My friend AB for allowing Brad and me a getaway to Bill's Bay. Oh, what a lovely weekend.

My gal Megan, well, just for being my friend. We only run into each other in the hall from time to time, but you matter to me Girl.

My Avon lady. Yes, I'm serious.

Helen for picking up the Josh Wilson tickets. Something so special to look forward to this weekend.

Dwija for praising teachers in a sweet little way in her post yesterday.

Class parents for acknowledging how nice it is to get email updates from their child's teacher. A little feedback goes a long way.

Mac for calling me as he and his friends drove home to update us on wildfire and then rain dangers on the road (TX to LA) on Sunday.

My coworkers who have expressed such faith in me as their new BEA rep, even though my head is spinning, and I'm concerned I won't serve them well.

One of my tutoring moms who paid me "vacation pay" for a week.

Pam for always sharing a tired smile.

And speaking of tired...this school year has worn me down already. Going back to school is always an adjustment, and this year has been harder than the past few. Much harder. Brad, my home Brad, my truly better half, has stepped up doing even more around the house than he usually does. That's a huge statement because he does at least 95% of the house tasks all the time.

He has grocery shopped, done the laundry, bought things for my lunches, helped me pack my lunches, watered my flowers, cut fresh fruit for my dinner and lunches, made dinner, run for dinner, returned my library books, picked up an Avon catalog for me, made the bed, tucked me in each night (seriously), rubbed my neck, listened to my stories, listened to my frustrations, rubbed my neck, carried my books and all to the car each morning, put up with me hitting the snooze too many times, has not mentioned how much my roots need touching up and more.

He is, like everyone on this list, truly a gift from God. And I am counting my blessings, and I am falling asleep...

Words For Wednesday

2011-09-06T21:01:00.000-05:00

This is a bit old, 2009 I think, it's been around facebook often, a friend just sent it to me again, and it was worth watching again. I hope you like it. I hope you realize much of it if not all of it is true, every single day.

Love

2011-09-04T07:57:00.000-05:00

I'm slowly working my way through Max Lucado's Cast of Characters. I pick it up, read an essay or two, and put it down. I've talked with Brad about it, and he's picked it up and read through them all. Now it's back in my hands, to delve into again. I know, as I progress, that I'm not loaning this one out, I need to keep it near, it's one to go back into--even when I've finished it--and to be reminded by.

The essay that has stuck with me most is one from the beginning, "The 7:47 Principle," really chapter three. He relates the story of the woman who washed Jesus' feet. There's a lot to this essay, but the thing I carry with me is his reference to and work with that famous passage about love from 1 Corinthians 13. You've heard it at every wedding--but it's not exclusively about romantic love, it's truly about Christ's love for us. It's about how we should love and live. How I should.

Max writes someone once challenged him to take out the word "love" which stands for Jesus and insert his name in its place. Here, I'll do it with my own name.

"Ellen is patient, Ellen is kind."

Not nearly often enough.

"Ellen does not envy, she does not boast, she is not proud."

I do, I do, I am.

"She is not rude, she is not self seeking, she is not easily angered, she keeps no record of wrongs."

I can be. I can't seem to let go of myself. My instant reaction can be anger, but I talk myself down. Record of wrongs? Um, yeah, for a few people--just ask and you'll get a list.

"Ellen does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the Truth."

Hm. People know I love Jesus, but does everyone who meets me know that--do I allow Him to shine?

Not always.

"She always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Again, a work in progress, but not always.

Can you imagine what always is?

(Well, yes, it's Him!)

"She never fails."

Yes, I do. Hourly. More often than that.

Now, getting past Ellen or yourself it you did the same, put Jesus' name in there instead of love.

"Jesus is patient, Jesus is kind..."

Do I need to go any further?

This one passage teaches us how to live and who He is. I'm not there yet. You?

But he loves us any way.

Frag That

2011-09-02T18:54:00.000-05:00

We started school last week, and this past Monday we had parent night. I had a pretty good turnout, but this year I was required to present twice.

I talked too fast.

I made the parents laugh though. More than once in each talk.

I came home exhausted and wide awake. Stayed that way. Pretty much all week.

*****

You know what freaks me out? All You Can Eat anything. In this day in age, should such bargains really exist?

Brian Williams, love him, told us chocolate is the red wine of candy. I have been vindicated.

Got this Email coupon from Chili's:

I'm thinking the two drinks for me, half the appetizer, Brad eats a dinner, and we take the rest home. That's a plan, right?

*****

Bill's Bay this weekend, can't wait to ride bikes and hang out pool side.

*****

Gotta get some reading done, What Alice Forgot and The Book Whisperer are first, but there are others in Mount To Be Read.

*****

There are so many things I want to write about school, but even though few people read this blog, it's still too public. I can say, my kids are sweet, but someone is ALWAYS talking. Always. I had my recurring "shut up" dream, in which I get so fed up with my class I start screaming, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" and yet they keep talking. And this dream around, I also cried from frustration. Except for the shouting and crying, too much like real life, and yet a nightmare nonetheless.

*****

I love the Dollar Tree.

*****

My student who was hurt in the house explosion came back to school for two mornings this week. A miracle girl.

*****

School's back in session, but it's not fall yet. I have mums planned, but I'm holding onto my impatiens as long as possible...Let's not rush the season, K?

*****

So, in the news locally, the Chicago teacher's union is scoffing at a suggestion their kids and they have a longer school day. I researched how long their day is, and it's 45 minutes shorter than ours, but it looks like their plan time is at the end of the day while ours is in the middle when kids get art/music/PE. So does that mean those kids don't get those specials? I'm confused. They have fewer days of school too.

*****

I like the idea of year round school. I can tell you many of my students didn't pick up a book all summer. Sigh.

*****

My facebook status yesterday: It is rare that I comment publicly on politics, but the thought came to me today about both parties (all parties?) that those in charge are way too worried about keeping their jobs whilst all the while coming across as being completely uncaring about OUR jobs.

*****

Three day weekend, thank you Lord. Three day weekend, and I can really celebrate, 'cause I am labor.

Thank you Mrs. 4444

Can You Beet That?

2011-09-02T00:35:00.000-05:00

I am a picky eater. I'm not as picky as I used to be. I'm not the pickiest eater I've known. But I am picky. Don't get me wrong, I am not a food snob, I'm not talking about being a food elitist. I just always have had some self-imposed limits on what I'll eat.

I didn't try sour cream until I was in my 20s. Hello, cream gone bad? Cream cheese until my 30s. Guacamole? Green and soft gush? 30s. Carrot cake, 30s. Tomato soup? My 40s. Asparagus, perhaps three years ago...The idea of some foods just really is/was repellent to me. (However these are all tries and LIKES--in other words, I've been making up for their absence in my life ever since!

Now some things I have tried and don't like:

seafood

lake food (fresh water fish)

cooked fruit--really baked fruit

coconut

red wine

beer

coffee

Recently, while discussing my fussiness, I divulged to some other adults that I have never had beets. I have to be certain that you know this was an adult discussion because kids totally get my picky tendencies especially when it comes to veggies.

The other three people who were part of this conversation were floored. (However, no one said, "Oh, but they're so good!")

Beets? Never?

Never. Am I missing out?

So, my questions to you, in all seriousness are:

Do you like beets?

Do you buy them fresh?

How do you prepare them?

(on the outside they look like radishes, but on the inside not so much...)

Who knows, maybe it's time to branch out! Or, maybe it's time to find out that Brad doesn't like them and I can stay in my little beet free whole forever!

photo source