This wasn't at all the Question of the Week I planned on asking, but it's a timely one. You'll see why shortly...
Sometimes, when I go to find my friend Betsy at school to say hello in the morning (or she comes to find me), we find ourselves plucking stray hairs or fuzz off each other and tucking in errant clothing tags. We joke that we're like mama monkeys the way we groom each other. To be fair, Brad is very observant, and he's always kind to fix a tag or help me de-lint, so Betsy's work load has lessened in the last two years.
Yesterday, in church I was sitting a few rows behind a woman I don't know well. We've only spoken for a moment once or twice, and I'm not totally myself with her. She dresses really well, quite fashionably, but every time I see her, she has an errant strap or a shirt tag sticking out.
I can't get myself to tell her.
The same was true yesterday, her shirt tag was hanging out, yet no words from me (to be fair she was rows ahead of me).
Funny thing was, after service and a snack of an Oreo, my friends Lisa and then Amy pointed out I had schmutz on my face, and I appreciated them for it. But they know (and love) me and the feeling is mutual.
So, is pointing out such a fixable flaw a familiarity thing?
A number of years ago, I was taking a video course over the summer. I had to get to the post office first thing one morning to get my final paper mailed in time to get a return transcript, so I rolled out of bed and into shorts, a T, flip-flops and a ball cap to drive into downtown Napes.
There were only a few people in line, and one woman was extremely impatient, lots of huffing and foot stomping. She was pretty, quite thin, and dressed in business stylish, but I couldn't help but note her shirt was inside out. Since she was ahead of me in line, I couldn't tell her privately, and I didn't want to embarrass her. She finished her business, snapped at the clerk about the wait, and rushed out.
I mailed my paper, and walked out feeling kind of guilty I hadn't found a way to tell her. True, she'd been kind of rude, but I still felt awful that she might be embarrassed later in her day. As I walked up Washington Street, she came zipping out of the "postal employees only" parking lot, blocking my path, so I had to come to a sudden halt. I will admit, when I saw she had parked in that lot and then she almost hit me the pedestrian, I did rethink telling her.
However, I had to tell her, so I motioned for her to roll her window down. She, of course, frowned and rolled her eyes at me and hesitated (remember, I was lookin' kind of bad), and when she did crack her window, I gently said, "I'm glad I caught you. You're shirt is inside out."
She was mortified and thanked me.
Since then I've told lots of other women about tags and the like (I always say it's a "chick responsibility"), but I just can't get myself to tell (help?) this particular woman at church.
So...this week's Question of the Week is:
Who do you tell?
Everyone?
Women only?
Only people you know?
This was kind of a themed day at church, because as the service began, Brad pulled a dark thread off my friend Anne's shirt, and she thanked him saying her husband never noticed things like that.
So...another question:
Does your husband help you with tags, threads and the like?
Don't I just have the most inquiring mind?
11 comments:
Dear Ellie,
I knowt his comment doesn't totally go along with your comment
request,but here goes. When I was a flight attendant, almost once every day we had to stop someone
from going down the aisle with toilet paper hanging from the
heel of their shoe. We would never
tell them, we would just stomp on
it and stop the embarassment from occurring. All in the price of the ticket. Brenda
I try to tell everyone 'cuz I'd like for them to tell me for sure. "Do unto others..." Dave is very observant and I like it ,,, means he's really looking at me for one thing! That was very graceful of you to tell the woman who nearly mowed you down at the P.O. Was your BB cap a Sox cap? Maybe she was a Cubs fan?!
--Debbie (via facebook)
Yeah, I have a hard time pointing things out to strangers - except for the toilet paper, I've stopped many a lady from exiting a washroom with unwanted footwear accessories! - but for those that I know, I'm glad to notify them of lipstick on teeth, fuzz in hair, smudges on their face, etc.
The worst situation might be when someone's fly is open. Happened to one of my coworkers before a meeting and I couldn't NOT say something. There's no non-embarrassing way to mention it though, and it's mortifying for both parties.
As for husbands, Tony is not always amazingly observant, but I can always rely on his honesty if he notices anything amiss.
I find it really hard to tell someone I don't know or someone I know a little that something is amiss. I appreciate it when someone tells me though, because I get really mad when I go into the bathroom and discover that I have a big piece of something stuck in my tooth and no one told me! I should remember the "do unto others..." rule more often!
Pam C.
Once again, I seem to be able to tell every woman except the one at church. Time to get over that, right?
Kids' zippers are often down, and I always tell them so they don't get teased.
Oh, and my ball cap wouldn't have been a Sox one. I'm trying to remember...maybe I should have put on a hat, but I didn't? Ooooh, then I would have really appeared frightening!
I always ask myself if it's something I would want to know. Say - would I care if I had a lose thread? Would I be mortified to know my skirt is tucked in my waistband?
If it's something I'd want to know I'll tell, no matter whether I know them or not.
And no, my husband does not notice, but that's ok. He's still cute.
i would tell to those that look like they would be open to strangers telling them. friends & family ... definitely.
although this lady at church, i think i would tell. just because we're all family under His roof, right? :)
my hubby definitely tells me when he see lint or stay hairs and etc.
yikes. this is a tough one. i've done both things: said something and not said something. but when i've not said something, then i always felt guilty.
so. i don't have a good answer...i guess it's how i'm feeling...
OOoo, good question -- and one I've struggled with. I was behind a woman in church who's (gosh, how do I say this politelY?) who's dress became, um, "wedged" when she stood up from the pew. I wanted to tell her -- but didn't want to draw attention to her, and didn't know how to say it... I wondered if I'd want someone to tell me. Maybe a good friend, but not a stranger?
hey thanks for the visit!! such a fun comment. i'm wordy as heck when i comment. i almost can feel the eye roll. . . oh. . . purejoy. . .i better get a cup of coffee for that one!
ha!
do i tell? yep, pretty much. i'll reach over and pick the hair off their shoulder, fix a tag, but i draw the line at picking anything off "the girls" and really hesitate about an open fly. but i know it would be mortifying for that person to notice it later and know i'd seen it an hadn't said anything. same goes for food in the teeth. i always try to be discreet.
and the hubster helps me with the straps. if they can make caramel corn microwave popcorn, why can't they make a brastrap that stays up for goodness sake?
i'm gonna love hanging out with you. and yes, my list is long, but it's just so i don't lose them or forget them. so many are flippin inspiring! and i never get any of my work done! ha!
have a blessed week!
i usually say something because i appreciate it when people tell me! sean usually lets me know if i've got a tag showing or something else amiss, and he basically knows now to check me teeth every time after we eat. i smile at him and he says yes or no :)
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