All this past week, I've been thinking about the way I feel when someone I love leaves. I'm hoping I can explain what that means here.
It just seems foreign for Mac or Brad to go in the opposite direction of me. Yes, I know though we are a family, though we love each other, we aren't meant to ALWAYS be in each other's presence. Yet, I always feel a pang of, what I can only call, unnaturalness when either one of them walks out the door or backs out of the driveway.
So all week, I was dreading Mac's driving away from home to travel to Baton Rouge--seeing his little white car back up, turn, and leave our subdivision. That was the mental image that would bring tears to my eyes and pull on my heart as I anticipated him moving to Louisiana for the next 18 months.
This morning, I went into Mac's room before his alarm went off, and I scooted next to him in bed with a hug. I woke him up by telling him I loved him. I told him I was proud of him. I told him I had been praying and would continue to pray for him. I told him for a long time he was the most important person to my heart, and I thanked him for so graciously sharing my heart for the past few years with Brad. He nodded when I said that.
I told him again that I was so very proud and I loved him.
We got going on the last of the packing, breakfast, cleaning up, and one hour and twenty-two minute later, we were all standing in the driveway hugging and saying good-bye. The moment I had been dreading had arrived, him driving away.
Just as Mac was climbing in his car, Brad's phone rang. As Mac backed out, Brad handed the phone to me. A woman from church who I didn't know asked, "Is this a good time?" I laughed and sobbed at the same time as I watched Mac turn the corner and I choked out, "Um, yes," and then in attempts to explain my garbled words, I said, "My son is leaving for grad school." She wanted to hang up and call me later, but one, Mac had left, and two, I had wept so I wanted to show her I was okay.
Brad told me later I should have taken her up on the offer of a callback, but really I was glad to have her as a distraction. It was a good call, and when it ended, I went and sat with Brad on the couch. I cried a bit then, of course, I have cried in little waves throughout the day.
We decided to get busy, and we did some cleaning. I cried, Brad would cry, we'd catch each other up in a hug, we'd laugh. I called Mac three times to see where he was, and I thought I was annoying him. An hour and a half after my last call to him, he called me, so I guessed not.
Tonight, in a couple of hours, he will arrive at his friend Brandon's parents house in Tennessee where he will spend the night. Yes, he is a grown man, but he is my son, and I cannot describe how good it does me to know he will be "mommed" tonight by Barbara.
So now, that leaving part is over. I'm okay. I'm still crying from time to time, and will do so whenever the need arises. Now, I can be a mom who loves the journey that he's on. Now I can look forward to a Thanksgiving break in the bayou...
Prepare to be underwhelmed.
I met a man so nice, I married him twice!
8 comments:
My heart is totally with you.
My tears were flowing as I read your post; I remember the day Vicki left for ISU. I was a basket case and she was only about 2 hours away. It will get better - won't it?
I hear ya! I have cried more tears saying goodbye to Steph than I care to remember. The last being one week ago. God bless your heart, my friend!
I understand completely. I cry each time my daughter and her husband pull out of my driveway to go to their home 6 hours away. And, I cry when I leave her driveway after a visit. We never stop missing them. Have a good cry. It's okay.
yep. been there. of course, not 15 hours away… but 5. and not my grown up son, but my 18 year old daughter, and my last. making me an official empty nester.
it was hard at first, but we got used to it. after giving her some space, she started to call. and not even when she needed something… sometimes "just because."
every mother can relate, ellen.
I can totally relate on his end -- it's hard to be away from your parents! Everyone needs them (especially their mommy)! I'm sure that he cried as well, okay I don't know him well enough to say that; but I do know that when my parents moved away I cried (and still do cry) my little eyes out! You're a great mom! My dad told me that crying when someone leaves shows there's too much love inside of me that it just has to flow out!
Praying for you and your family in this journey!
I have always been particularly bad at goodbyes. No pretty crying here. I turn into a red faced, snotty mess. My daughter knows what a big part of my life she is, and she knows I love her. Given the choice between showing no emotion, or being a blubbering, tear soaked mess, I'm picking the mess any day.
Sending you hugs!
All the comments posted here and on facebook really gave me so many smiles and offered me such strength. I am okay. This is not such a big deal, okay it is, but there are bigger deals. Brad is missing Mac a lot, all day yesterday he kept pointing out the "holes" Mac used to fix. I am blessed that they were/are so fond of each other.
Cell phones help a lot--calling for free. Skype will be even better.
No pretty crying here either, JoAnn, but I am okay. Prayers and hugs have helped in a way I cannot measure.
I'm proud of Mac, proud of all he's lived through. His road has been rough. I keep telling him, "There's nothing they will place in front of you that you can't manage and manage well."
I believe in him, and he too is bolstered by your prayers (tho' he'd deny it) and good thoughts and wishes. What a blessing you all are to us!
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