A while back, Blogger (this blog's template/program/whatever it's called) changed its spacing, and it wreaked havoc with many (100's) of my posts here. Slowly, when I have absolutely NOTHING else to do, I have been going through old posts and removing all the pages' worth of extra spacing. It's been fun reading my "old" stuff as I edit, but I have noticed a damaging theme.
I beat my body up a lot.
Remembering a recent post that garnered some heartfelt comments, I defame myself. I take something made in His image, and I pick it apart. I curse myself. I too easily do to myself what I am working hard to not do to others, and I attack on a level I have never sunk to while discussing or even thinking of others--I express hatred for myself. How have I convinced myself it's okay to be self-deprecating?
How sad this must make God.
Last July, I reached an epiphany of sorts, and I wrote a neat post (and I do say so myself) about how wonderfully my body serves me. I said I wouldn't write another negative thing about me, but in the interim I have. I tend to do so with humor, but underlying that humor is loathing. I cannot begin to measure the damage I have done to myself since then--and for decades really.
It's well beyond time to take the boxing gloves off. It's time to stop incessantly punching the woman in the mirror. It's time to stop looking at other women and finding what's better about their bodies as compared to mine. It's time to stop joking about thunder thighs, a big butt, Elmo arms, and all the other labels I wear when I catch myself in the mirror or see a picture of myself.
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5 comments:
you are such a wise and beautiful woman.
even though I have never met you in person but from your posts and our emails, I KNOW you are beautiful.
true beauty is not measured by the size of your thighs or hips but your heart.
Amen to that!
as a woman who struggles with self image (disfiguration from severe scoliosis) and has for years, i know some of what you're talking about, although i've never struggled so much that i've cut myself or had self-control ish issues (overeating notwithstanding)
but yeah, you bring up a good point. we are made in his image, and to gripe is to complain to the artitst.
awesome post. enjoy the positive journey!
and amen to mahmeeeee
yes, you are a lovely piece of work!
ha!
but I think God made you especially beautiful, inside and out.. and what's most Lovely is that you reflect HIM...I see Him, when I look at you, or read your posts.. and there is nothing more beautiful than that! thanks Ellie!
plus, Mom always told me... "never point out your bad features, someone who might not have noticed, won't be able to think of anything else"
Yikes!
-dori
This rings true for me, and for so many women. We tend to beat ourselves up more than we do anyone else. This applies to more than just looks, at least for me. My husband gets really upset with me for constantly criticizing myself to others, making comments like I'm not smart enough, not _____ enough. I'm always belittling myself, usually jokingly but it means the same thing. I need to learn to love all of me and appreciate my gifts, instead of downplaying them.
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