It IS Me

You all have been so gracious with your support of the frustrating and painful family situation I have found myself in and the privatization of this little blog. Trust me though, I haven't been so innocent in all of this.  On occasion, I pushed back when pushed.  So it was funny when I saw this on facebook yesterday...I sure could see this as God sending me a very clear message!

 (Posted on facebook by People of the Second Chance)

I have been praying about this for the five years Brad and I have been married.  The focus of my prayers needs to change to more of me and less of them.  Usually we Christ Followers state that a bit differently, but the timing of this message was spot on.  I must change.

Trust me also, when I share this blog will not become a place where I gripe about step-situations!  That's not my goal at all.

This was one of the verses for our Jesus Calling devotional the day I was deciding what to do with this blog.  I had already hidden it and was thinking of deleting it completely  Again, God's timing is perfect--though we don't always see it that way.

Time to move forward and build up.

Have a lovely Sunday friends!

Good to Great

     I wrote this post in September 2008.  When first published, some people decided I was writing about a family member, and therefore the main point was overlooked. Even though hitting "publish" back then resulted in some still remaining misunderstanding, I'm doing so again (with some minor style edits) because, well, because it is good. 


     Since starting this blog over the summer, I've done quite a bit of web searching and I've looked at many other blogs and social networking sites in effort to get up to speed. I learned I'm only just getting in gear...but it's a start!

     I came across this quote one day, "Good is the enemy of great."  Featured prominently on a thirty-something woman's page, it had no explanation. I was left to infer, after looking more at her page, that she finds herself to be great, her kids to be great, her friends to be great, and perhaps the rest of us, well, not to be.  Hey, if that works for her, I'm certainly not going to call her out on it.

     However, the words stuck in my mind.  They seem to say being good is not enough.  Good should mean up-to-par, but somehow it means sub-par.  Good in any sense might mean settling for something less than it could be. 
     So, today I googled.  I found these words connected to sports, to photography, to numerous products, and I learned they're the catchphrase from a wildly popular book on business by Jim Collins.  Then, of course, I had to look up Jim Collins.      Turns out I could have just looked behind me. Brad has a copy on our office bookshelves, and I believe his son recommended it to him, and Brad has since shared it with others.

     The phrase has also been attributed to Voltaire. So I had to look him up. He was a French Enlightenment writer, philosopher, and defender of civil liberties circa the 1700s. Voltaire was a deist. That's a moralist who believes in a hands-off God or in no God at all.

Voltaire

     Have you ever looked up a word in the dictionary only to find you also then have to look up a words from the definition to even begin to understand the word you initially had to look up? One site credits Voltaire with, "Better is the enemy of good." A variation on the theme of the current quote, or perhaps something altogether different.  
     ANYWAY:  With apologies to the woman, Mr. Collins, and perhaps even the late (and great) Voltaire, I have to share: 

Good is great.

Good means exactly as God intended. 

      Not my idea, but something I learned from church and carry with me.

     After all, the word good is used SEVEN times in the very first chapter of the Bible. (Yes, I looked that up too.)  As in, "And God saw that it was good."

We are all good.

Good is from God.

Divorce

The other day, Mac and I were at Home Depot pricing things for a new bed we were planning to dig on the side of the house.  I took out my phone to make notes of prices, and I found this random thought, "If this were a marriage we'd be divorced by now."

Not eloquent in its phrasing.  True.

One day on the way to work I stopped--mentally, not with the brakes--and thought only about God.  His love for me is unfathomable, but my love for Him?  It's there, it grows in fits and spurts, but I sure do take Him for granted.  So at the next red light, I made that note.

God has loved me since before I was born.  I fell in love with Him in 2005.  Since 2005 I have had moments of wild love and moments of forgetting He exists.  He is always here for me, but I am not always even aware of Him.

Grounds for this divorce?  Abandonment.  No judge would take a second look at God's paperwork.  I would hang my head as that gavel hit, guilty.

I am thankful, blessed, and forgiven.  He will remain my God through all my changes in attitude, and throughout my moments that lack in passion.  I realized that as I made this note, as I came across this note, and as I write this.

"But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever."  Psalm 52:8

He tends to me.  He feeds me.  He loves me.  Unfortunately, with trust comes overconfidence, in my overconfidence in God, I ignore Him.

Most People I Know

Before meeting Brad, I worked at the Naperville Gap store for a little more than a year.  As a promotion, they gave away a CD featuring different popular artists doing cover songs.  I loved it, so of course, I've since lost it (me, who would tell you I don't lose things, lost this).  Anyway, one day, I was out on the highway driving and singing along with this...

And I was caught by a lyric I hadn't determined, and it made me laugh with joy!  Can you hear it?  (No fair googling it or reading others comments, you have to listen for it be revealed, just as it--He--was revealed to me!)

God Has the Details

A story is running in our local newscasts about U.S. Representative Jesse Jackson Jr.  He's been absent from the public eye for a while, and now it's being reported that he is dealing with severe physical and emotional ailments.  Details are scant.  Privacy has been requested.

The family has also asked for thoughts and prayers.

Now I'm not political, and I'm not a fan or critic of the Jacksons.  I admit, I haven't prayed for him yet, but I have hoped things will go well for him.  That was my initial response to this story.  But then, on channel nine news yesterday, they had a video of one of his former foes, Debbie Halvorson.  She was skeptical, that look was in her eyes, and she said something so dumb.

I don't have a direct quote, but the gist of her comment was, "They've asked for good thoughts and prayers, but how are we supposed to  pray for him when we don't really know what's wrong?"  She had a "Church Lady" feel about her that just didn't sit well with me.

My first thought was, "Way to attempt to stir up controversy, lady."  My second was, "What a stupid thing to say."

Yeah, dumb then stupid not too nice of me in a post about God, eh?  But I'm being candid here.

The thing is, the God thing is, HE knows.  So for people who asked such things, "How do we pray?" The answer is simply, remember that even when you don't know they details, truth, or situation, God will know exactly what you're praying about.  To ask for more details in order to know what to pray for is an attempt to gather information for our little minds to make judgments about, it's not going to help God any. 

Do you find yourself doing that?  I do.  And when I do that, when I ask for more than just the hurting person's name (because that makes it more real to me and I actually remember to pray), when I ask for details, what I'm really asking for is gossip.  I hate that about myself, which is exactly why I didn't like it from the woman on air.  Her behavior called mine out.

And I felt ashamed.

Anchor for the Soul

I go by Stewart, but my married name is Seaman.  I think that's one reason I'm drawn to anchors.  I went to Biblegateway.com a while back and searched "anchor," and I found Hebrews 6:19.  Hope is my anchor, I have felt this since becoming a Christ follower, but only when I read this (for the how manyth time) did it stick with me.

So when I saw this at the flea market this afternoon, I considered it.  I hesitated, and in my hesitation, Alice bought it for me.

Brad loves it, we only have to discern where to hang it.

  ¹⁷ Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath. ¹⁸ God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged. ¹⁹ We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, ²⁰ where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek. 

He makes all things new

For a printable version of this, please visit here.

Last week had some good moments, but at times it was quite hard.

Not someone-I-love-was-diagnosed-with-cancer-challenging, but little bits of unpleasantness were placed in my path--some dropped by me no doubt--all week long.

Accentuating the positive was hard, and I felt like a real live Scrooge (he was cranky year round you know.)

Then a friend pinned this.

I don't know what the new is, but I'm ready Lord.

Pleases, visit here if you like this art.  It is not mine.
Used with permission of the artist.

Comments for this post are closed.

So Fragged Off!

Oy.

On the way home tonight, it's Friday Fragments time but I'm writing on Thursday, I was listing the things I need to get done, and I found myself pretty certain it was time for me to take a blog break.  It's been a weird week, and I just can't seem to find the time to pay attention to this blog.  May is going to be busy, super so, and I might need some time off.

So these fragments are a look back and a look ahead, and we'll see about the break.

Birthday Fragments:
My husband turned 60 on Tuesday, but I celebrated him all month.

He received a card a day from people who love him and he loved it...

And we had a surprise party on Saturday.  He was really surprised.  But what I found out is...I didn't like keeping a secret from him.  It was too hard.  We talk about everything.  And I had to censor myself for over a month.  Not fun.

Party?  Fun!

Would you believe he wouldn't let me light his candles?  He didn't want to ruin his Portillo's chocolate cake!  Not sure what our Jeanette is doing in that picture.  And...even though I said no gifts, our friend Walt brought a box of "clay pigeons."  Yee ha!  (And other friends brought candy which I've been nibbling on tonight.  So wrong of me!)

Work Fragment:
My student teacher's time is coming to an end, today was her last teaching day, so I'm back in the saddle.  May is so fragmented due to field trips, assessments, art mom visits, read ins, mom's day gifts, assessments, a huge project (they will be shocked those kiddies will), field trips...not a normal day in the month!

Family Fragments:
My son graduates from the MLIS program at LSU in BR LA in three weeks.  Woo hoo!  Can't wait to wear a sundress in May!

My niece is still with us, and she just got a job at Gilly Hicks.  I'm not sure how I feel about her "uniform" of really short shorts and a tank.  Sorry, no photo available!

Fundraising Fragment:
Our annual annuals sale is going on at school, and I'm in charge of that.  Time to figure out what our yard needs...

Flower Fragment:  
One of my tutoring parents gave me five hydrangeas.  Five! Keeping them alive inside has been tough, they're in such little pots they just dry up.  But we're hoping they hold on until we can get them in the ground.  If you live somewhere where hydrangeas actually stay this color, you are blessed!

Fitness Fragment:
And, on top of all this, I've made a commitment to (continue to) exercise.  I purchased and swiftly received (Saturday order, Tuesday arrival) the Brazil Butt program.

The first time I've ever ordered something from an infomercial.  I like it so far, and I can tell if I stick with it (and for three payments of 19.95 plus shipping, I will) there will be changes.  (It takes up to an hour six out of seven days.  Eep!)

Health Fragment:
On NewsRadio 720 I heard a story like this one and the focus was on women who don't get enough sleep, but I couldn't find the link on-line for the exact story I heard.  Basically, I have always been selfish about sleep.  I need seven hours a night, no less.  The facts say it all. Women don't take care of themselves because they take care of others--at the expense of their health. So I do choose to sleep versus blog (as well as other things).

Do you?  Should you?

Faith Fragment:
Now onto a purer topic, my anniversary present to Brad was a copy of Jesus Calling.  On nights we're both home, we share a devotional.  We'd been using the library's copy, but you know, it's a lending library not a keeping library, and in time even with renewals, they'd want the book back so...

Friend Fragment:
My blog friend Stacy wrote about having blog ruts.  It made me think.  I always have something to write about.  Whether or not it's interesting or relevant to anyone but me is a wonder, but the time thing that's my obstacle.  With work, tutoring, commuting, devotionals, exercising and sleeping I just sometimes feel pressured to blog.  And I don't want to feel anything but enjoyment about this little web destination.

So if I'm absent a lot in May it's because life is good.  Not amazing, but just right and full--you know full of blog fodder I just don't have energy to share!

Thanks Mrs. 4444:

Go check out the other fraggers at Half Past Kissin' Time!

Keeps Me Motivated Monday, 2

Last week, I started what I thought would be a weekly posting of what keeps me motivated as I work to improve my health.  I thought it would be focused on wellness--physical wellness.  However, as I considered what to write about this Monday, I recognized I can't have physical wellness without spiritual wellness.

So I'm sticking with the motivational aspect, but I've decided to expand my parameters.

To write about Jack is really not my place; I'll leave that to his mom and those who knew him well.   I will simply share: he is a boy I admire, he is a boy who has made me laugh, and he is a boy the world greatly misses.  I look forward to meeting him in Heaven.

I am motivated to be more like Jack, to live my faith so even the youngest around me recognize I know Jesus.  Really, what is more important than that?

As I start another new week in this blessing of life, I keep Jack in mind.

Sundays

We celebrate Jesus' resurrection every Sunday,
52 Sundays each year.  

Believers have been doing so 

for 2000-plus years.

But this one Sunday always seems a bit more special.  

Shout it:

He is risen!

May the blessing of Easter and the promise of Christ's everlasting love abide in your heart.

Filling the Time

For "Holy Week," I decided to spend my entire commute to work time praying.  No radio, no checking my phone at red lights, just time with God.  My drive is a half an hour.

Monday was, well, quiet.  I prayed--starting out with all the things weighing on my heart.  Not just asks for me, but for so many others. I told Him I could follow a formula of adoration, thanks and praise, but sometimes I just need to get the supplication off my chest!  (He'd know I was just going through the motions--nobody gets "yadda, yadda, yadda," like God.)  Then I sang to Him a bit (He's probably the only one who loves my voice). That praise was timely and just right--no formula needed.  About ten minutes into it, I was still.  I was hard not touch that dial.

Habit.

Tuesday, I had more to say, and I had more to sing. I included more thanks.  My words poured out even more conversationally. The time went more quickly.  I told Brad of my little prayer plan, and he smiled and said, "Well, if you're going to die in a collision, that's the time to to it, when you're talking with Him!"

I had thought that too, not in a macabre way, but in a peaceful way.  I wonder too if other drivers notice.  Do they think I'm using a hands free device?  In that way, they are right...Do they wonder if I'm praying?  I hope so.  A little road witnessing.

Wednesday, there just seemed to be so much more to talk with Him about.  I couldn't believe how close I got to school while still talking with Him and singing to Him.  The stillness also held a richness.

Today, I sit here right before I'm ready to leave, and my list is full.

Quite simply put, during each day I have become a bit more aware of others' needs.  Prayer requests have come up during lunch in the teachers' lounge (not that they're always shared as such), they have been posted on facebook, people have just plain old asked me.  I am eager for my morning drive time with God.

Always remember...

 

source, as best as I can tell

I've written a lot about acceptance over the past number of months--years really--when it came to my weight.  Women are meant to be curvy.  Brad loves me the way I am.  I am God's masterpiece.  All those are true.   So I did work to stop beating myself up. If you've read this blog for a while, you might already know that.  After 40+ years of hurting myself, it was time to stop.

But, around January 3, 2012 when all the diet Pepsi was gone, we decided to not buy more.  We decided, Brad and I, to make healthier choices together.  He has lost weight and is feeling better.  Me?   Two months later, nine pounds lighter, and having exercised more days than not, I simply feel healthier and a little stronger.

Pursuing health feels good on the inside, but there's more.  The surface stuff matters too.   To deny that would be a lie.  A simple pleasure, more things in my closet fit.  Getting dressed no longer slows me down as I try to find pants that fasten without discomfort.  I delight in wearing jeans that I considered donating since they'd "never" fit again.  Reporting to my accountability partner has been a good little shove in a positive direction.

The curves remain, just on a slightly smaller scale!

I am thankful God loves me no matter what size I am.  I cherish that.   Brad loves me no matter what size I am.  I value that.  I had a hard time doing so, but with God's help I had finally got to that level of self-acceptance.  I recognized I was not overweight.  However,  reminders in my Bible about God's temple, make me wonder if I honored Him through my habits.  I've turned to God through this more times than I can count.  Nine pounds ago and now He holds me closer than I can measure because He dwells within me.  I must continue to honor Him.

¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.  
(1 Corinthians 6:19-20.)

These verses pertain to much more than health and weight.  I know that.  I also understand I may fall back into old habits.  He will love me anyway.  But now I choose to celebrate health.  I am so thankful for the healthy food options that surround me.  For the clean water He provides for me.  For a working, functioning, cancer free body.  For good nights' sleep in a safe bed.  For calm.  At 51, I wonder how much longer good health will be a blessing.  I cannot take it for granted.

I also understand this struggle, though wrestled hard, is nothing compared to what many others face, and for that I am thankful too.

"God my God, I cry out..."

"...your beloved needs you now."

There is such power in God's name; in Jesus' name.

Sometimes when I pray the only words I can find are, "Oh God, oh God, oh God."  I know He hears me, and He knows the words I cannot speak.

Even before I was a believer, I was sensitive to "churched" kids in my classroom, and when others would casually say, "Oh God," I would ask them not to.  This was always respected, words were substituted, and thankful glances were cast my way.  Now that I am a believer I ask the same thing, and though it could be considered as teaching my beliefs I do it anyway.

I also censor:  retard, spaz, fart, name calling, and any words unacceptable for a G rated movie.  But only quieting the "Oh Gods" would get me in trouble.  Funny how that works.

Spend some time watching TV and you'll hear "Oh God" everywhere.  A redone living room on HGTV?  "Oh God, it's beautiful!"  A shocking statement on a talk show, "Oh God, that's hilarious!" Dialogue in a sitcom, "Oh God, you've got to be kidding me!"  People who would never use anti-gay slurs, call out racial slurs, or mock people with disabilities, let "Oh God," roll off their tongues as if it does no harm.

They are mistaken. I am bruised each time. I am not alone.

God's Story your story

     I've been reading quite a good deal in 2012, and I'm loving it.  My bit of leisure time is the silver lining to each day, but If I could find a way to read, knit, exercise and talk with Brad all at once, my days would be overflowing!  Instead, I value the richness of each of these pastimes whenever I can work them in. 

     This weekend, I spent a little time reading God's Story your story by Max Lucado.  Unlike the last Lucado book I read, one I owned and therefore ambled through, this one belongs to the library.  So I have to get through it with a quicker pace.
     I wish I could tell you all of it, that's how highly I recommend this book. Since seeing Max at The Story concert in December, I can hear his voice as I read, and that makes his writing all the better.  I hear a pastor sharing a good story with each chapter.
     However, I can't retell the whole thing, so I'm going to share two bits from it with you.  Only pages apart, they really struck me.
     The first is from a letter written around 120 A.D. when people were already and still working to refute the Truth of Christ, His miracles and His resurrection:
     "...a man named Quadratus wrote the emperor Hadrian, defending Christianity.  His apologetic included this sentence: 'The works of our Saviour were lasting, for they were genuine:  Those who were healed and those who were raised from the dead were seen...not merely while the Saviour was on earth, but also after his death; they were alive for quite a while, so that some of them lived even to our day.'"
     After reading this, and reminding myself Quadratus would have lived when people were still around who witnessed Jesus on Earth, I recalled a sermon from church. Back when I was a new believer.  Pastor Dave at Community shared a message, "CSI," in which he detailed the lack of evidence Jesus' disbelievers provided the world with back then.  If there was a body, don't you think they would have dragged it through the streets to disprove His waking from the dead?  After the soldiers drew lots for His clothing, mocked Him with a crown of thorns, and crucified Him, parading His body through the streets to prove He had truly and forever died was not beyond those folks.
    But of course, they couldn't, because there was no body.  Already following Him were people like this letter's author, people who were compelled to share the Truth.  How could they not evangelize?
     How can I not? 
     The second tale to resonate with me was about a man I'm told sits on a branch in our family tree, Winston Churchill.  As a believer, it was essential to Mr. Churchill that the following be done at his funeral, so certain he was to be waking up in a new and better place after death.  First, a lone trumpeter played "Taps," to signify the end of this day.  Then immediately following, the song "Reveille," was to be blown to signify a new day, more importantly, a new beginning. What a wonderful and lasting witness from one of the most influential men of the 20th century.
     Can you hear those songs?  As sorrowful as it is to hear "Taps," to hear "Reveille," immediately following would be incredibly uplifting and Truth filled.
     The whole of this book is affirming.  The little anecdotes used to tell the story are remarkable.

Born Again

Thursday was the seventh anniversary of my baptism, my public declaration of faith in Christ.  I go back to those moments underwater frequently in my mind, in them I felt joined, they lasted longer than they really were, and I was changed.  For Thursday I hoped to write about it, but I couldn't find words.

This morning while reading, the words found me.  They're God's; they are perfect.

Brad is off at Bible study, and I decided to sit on the couch to read, unrushed and in silence, for a while.  I read some chapters from Revelation for tonight's church message.  I read from A Life in Stitches, a memoir, and I continued with the excellent (so far) children's novel I'm deep into, The Lions of Little Rock.  Then I picked up a new Max Lucado book, God's Story your story.

Within the first few pages, I found the words to describe my joy over being part of God's family, both the before and after baptism words.

Before, and I love this from The Message:  "It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for.  Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone."  Ephesians 1:11-12

I'm now aware that God was always right with me, but it was me who refused to be aware of him.  That whole free will thing, I held tight to it for too long.  Or maybe I held to it just enough, because when I was ready, I dove in because...

"God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes."  2 Samuel  22:25, also from The Message.

When I allowed myself to recognize God's presence and work in my life, I changed.  I became a new thing.  That joy, ever present, shapes all of who I am.

Happy belated birthday to me, born again on February 16, 2005!

Whose will?

People need to stop expecting God to conform to their will,
and instead start working to accept and live within God's will and plan.
We are not the designers, He is.

I need to stop expecting God to conform to my will,
and instead I must work harder to accept His will and plan.
I am not the designer, He is.

He always will be.

We are in the middle of a Revelation study at church, and the pastor mentioned this point as he spoke of people accepting Christ--they expect God to be malleable.   I agreed as I know folks like that, but then I realized, I too often have moments when I expect to be forgiven when I full on well know I have disappointed God by breaking one of His rules.

It's so easy for me to look at others and see the specks in their eyes when I, too often, am walking around with a plank in mine.

Beyond the Attitude of Gratitude

Brad is the Grampa who gives books.  He loves giving books, and I love collecting them for him to pass on.  Last week, he sent out two Valentine packages to his grandchildren in Indy and N.C.

We got a short and thoughtful thank you message on facebook from his daughter-in-law, and his daughter sent us photos and videos of her kids opening and enjoying the little treats we sent.

Here's her youngest with a lolly...a rare treat!

We delighted in every word, snapshot, and voice on the video.  In fact, we still giggle over some of the images many days later.  It was simply touching to receive a thank you.  How nice to know the things we provided, little as they were, were appreciated.  It felt good to send the gifts, but it was a wonder to be thanked for them.

Yesterday, thinking of these pictures, I thought of God.  There's a saying floating around out there encouraging us to develop an "attitude of gratitude."  Good idea.  But beyond that, acting on this is key.  I wonder how God feels when I, His daughter, thank Him. when I truly and deeply express my gratitude through prayer for everything, every little thing, in my life.  This is one gift I can give back to God, my thanks.  I hope he finds it valuable. 

I'm not saying thanking Him more will lead to more blessings, but I do believe thanking Him as a loving practice will help me recognize more of what He has done for me--what He continues to do for me because He deeply loves me.

This morning, as I drove and prayed, I found myself not asking for anything but just acknowledging my many gifts from Him. The list was long and easy to create, and some things on it made me giggle--laughter is something to be thankful for--and I hope He smiled along with me.

Beyond praising Him, I can't think of anything more important than thanking God for the blessings He bestows on me.  With this gratitude comes the awareness of joy, and He will use that awareness to carry me through anything I may face.

"Rejoice always,  pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus" 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 

Church

I loved the church that helped me find my way back to God seven years ago.  (Turns out, He was right here.  All the time.)

I love the church we attend now.

At both, I was called to serve.  At the first, I served in many capacities, including speaking from stage.   At my current church, I've had a tougher time finding where I fit.  I only do one "little" serve.

Over the past two weekends,  I spend some rich quiet time reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  It was an easy read, but a challenging book.  What I took from it is the idea that I have to serve everywhere.  Everywhere. 

Brad tells me I serve with this blog, and his speaking those words touched my heart.  You are my church. My students know I am a believer, it's hard for me to hide things from them, and so, they are my church. My friends at work will come to me with prayer requests from time to time, so they are my church.  But now, I'm praying for ways for God to use me in my community, to serve others--and there are so many with less--right here in Aurora, Illinois.

The first message of the new year at The Compass was delivered by a pastor who doesn't normally do the teaching.  It has stayed with me.  He asked us, challenged us, "Whose ending are you going to change?"  I have been told I have the gift of evangelism.  This church doesn't baptize like my old church did, but I can still teach about God.  I can still do good works in His name.

After I hit "publish post," I am going to write to a friend who is also quite invested in God and helping others.  He works for the mayor of this city.  I'm going to make Him an offer.  I think it might be what God wants me to do...I'm not sure...but I know I'm being prompted.

Church, I want it to be who I am.

Miracle

On Saturday, I was scheduled to give blood at the "Living Victoriously" blood drive being held in memory of my friend Vicki Miller who died last year after a true fight with leukemia.  I am no fan of needles--is anyone?  But I had been visiting Vic in the hospital once and someone came to take her blood and she cried.  The pain it caused her made me want to push the tech out of the way.  I wanted to fight him off her--mama bear style.  Instead I just sat in the corner and fought back my own tears while feeling helpless.

I'd donated blood in the past, including during Vicki's illness, but I had avoided it too often because of the discomfort it caused me.  Discomfort, but not pain.

Wuss. 

Vicki put a face, one I miss dearly, on the need to give.  She needed blood, she used the blood, she dealt with the pain of living with poisoned blood.  I'm guessing she hated needles more than could be measured.

Since I've become more aware and diligent in my efforts to give, I have hit some roadblocks.  Anemia and skinny veins are the biggies. Sometimes, the tech gets the needle in and nothing happens.  So a number of days before an appointment, I usually double down on red meat, broccoli, and vitamins.  On the day of the appointment, I fatten up my veins with lots of water.  Can't do much about the flow, but all those other thing have really helped.

This past week I did none of that.  I know I have an unopened bottle of vitamins, but I could not find them.  I've been eating healthier, and so red meat is something I haven't ingested in weeks.  Veggies and salad daily, but no broccoli in recent memory.  Saturday, I only had milk with my cereal and the water I drink while brushing my teeth.  I felt so unprepared.  I toyed with not going and scheduling another appointment.  Brad convinced me to go, to go to visit with Vicki's mom, my friend Helen.  To go in support of Vicki's family.

Halfway there, I prayed out loud, "God, I feel disappointed that I didn't work for this, I am placing it in your hands.  If they're able to get a pint from me, I'll call it a miracle." 

Miracle?  Gifted.  I walked out JOY filled.  This was not my accomplishment.

Thank you God.

Everything is in your hands.

Please, if you're able, give blood. The small amount you share will be shared with others whose faces you cannot know but whose lives you may save.