But I'm writing a post about my weight, so in this case, and this is so lame, the losing myself is small case worthy. Losing some of myself. It used to be a daily obsession, but I have grown more healthy of late.
I have always been a slender person. Sometimes, I have been more slender than is healthy. My friend Steve once asked me if I had a fun house mirror in my head because I see myself more differently than others do. There have been times in my life when I haven't felt I could control anything, so I would control my weight. Now I have Jesus in my life, and I get that there is no such thing as control, and I do love myself more. However, I still don't know how to lose weight in a healthy way.
Yes, I do understand that most people would think I don't need to lose weight at all. Yes, I understand that this is really not a problem compared to what many folks are facing--weight wise and health wise.
If I list the things about my body that bug me, my husband will get upset (he likes me the way I am) and it will seem like I'm fishing for compliments or reassurance. So I won't do that. But I will tell you why I want to lose six pounds. That's it, just six.
One month from today, my son is graduating from college. I am delighted at the prospect of attending a boring commencement ceremony (I didn't "walk" at my master's graduation, 'cause I'm just usually not into ceremony). His degree has been hard fought and hard won, and I am simply proud of my son for enduring the things he has. Many pictures will be taken. No biggie, I know how to crop out the things I don't like. We have a neat mixed bag of guests using Mac's "up to 10" tickets. Mac's dad's longtime girlfriend will be there. In all these years I haven't ever seen her or a picture of her. Can you say, "So not curious?" (His dad and I are divorced, and it seems only right to let him live his life, I only wish the best for him--he is my son's father.) What is niggling at me (in a "lose some poundage" way) is the idea of seeing my former, couldn't have been more distant, sis-in-law. For her, I want to be slim.
Hm. Go figure. (Pun intended.)
Another reason, and you may get this, is the six lbs. are mostly SITTING in one place, and there are clothes I'd like to wear
Also, I need a new pair or two of jeans. Jeans shopping? Enough said.
In June, a while off I know, I am going on a mission trip with a high school group from what I'll call my "interim" church (another story for another time). While we have to wear pants for most of the trip, and my jeans that need to be replaced will be perfect for this rough trip, I don't want to frighten kids with a, "This is what almost fifty year old legs look like," on the one day shorts are allowed (on our canoe/baptism trip outing.) Yes I get that this is NOT what the trip is about, but I am trying to protect America's youth.
So call me Shallow El. I can deal. Encourage me, and I will lap it up like chocolate Slim Fast.
10 comments:
Well, while I may disagree with about the necessity of this little endeavor, I cannot even pretend that I don't do the same thing. While others may see us as "perfect" they don't have to stare at what we look at everyday. And honestly, there's nothing wrong with feeling confident and proud of how you look, whether it be the way you/we look now, or 6 pounds later.
There are days where I wish it was still "in fashion" to be overweight as a a sign of wealth and fertility. Those were the good ole days ;)
PS. You cannot ever yell at me again for complaining about my hideous braces :)
well... don't most of us have the fun house mirrors at home? i even know quite a few men that have those exact same mirrors in their homes (and they are not gay...)
anyhow. i understand that urge to lose a few pounds for the big occasion so i shall not give you the 'don't do it' speech. because i know i'd do it too. however, you do have to know that I think you're beautiful.
so with that out of the way... where is this extra poundage going? maybe some targeted excercize might help? or... my backup plan... have you heard of Spanx? I LOVE THEM. they help smooth out any muffin tops or lines on your body for a better fit into your clothes. it's a definitely for me esp when i have to wear a dress....
In Tribute to my Skinny Butt Wife,
My thoughts the other day when I came through the garage door into our living room to find that she had exchanged a large rug from our bedroom to replace the one under the living room coffee table. (By the way, Ellen doesn't drink coffee.) Anyway, the table is quite heavy and has a large three foot glass insert. I can hardly lift it myself. I thought..."How did that skinny butt wife of mine get that heavy table off the other rug and onto this one all by herself?"
So for the past two weeks I have been calling her my skinny butt wife. And, of course, she is.
In addition, she is the most adoring person I've met. On top of this, she is rather nicely shaped and pleasing to the eyes.
Have I mentioned how much I like her new haircut? What a cutie pie.
Your Husband
saw this link and thought of you. now i'm going to go back and read your post.
http://abbyandizzysmom.blogspot.com/2010/04/going-green-for-spring.html
what a sweet comment from your husband. i think i'd faint/puke if the hubster ever read mine!
weight is a big deal for me, and since i've been post menopausal for for almost 15 years, my metabolism is in the crapper. i eat lighter/healthier and exercise and it's just so dang discouraging.
i think one of the things women struggle with so much is self image.
and hanging around high school kids all the time is very humbling when they're all siz 4s and well, i'm beyond double that.
sigh.
you are so blessed to have a loving encouraging husband who loves you just the way you are!! take your weight loss in moderation. you don't want to blow away on the big day!
I am just like you, El. Always seeing things in the mirror that other people don't see... It seems like I'm always trying to "lose just five pounds" even though, like you, I don't really need to. I told Sean there should be a show like The Biggest Loser for normal-size people who just want to get in better shape and I will volunteer to be the contestant! I have been keeping track of everything I eat and sticking to a calorie budget each day (when I work out, I can eat more) and I lost 8 pounds and a pant size in a few months! I track it all on my phone, but I heard that the website Stark people is really good too. I don't think I'll always be able to write down everything I eat because it gets old after a while... but it helped me to really notice exactly what I was eating. I'm definitely not starving myself, but thinking more about what low calorie foods I can fill up on. You can do it! I know you can
Kayla, you haven't seen me in years, but I like the disagreement from you. You remain one of my all time favorite "kids."
I love my husband, this is true.
I moved the marble edged table with pivots. It was a cinch, and I wanted to see if they upstairs rug would look better there, and I didn't want to wait...my Elmo arms could handle it. Suffice it to say the six pounds I'd like to lose are NOT in my arms.
Ag, I cannot wear Spanx on the mission trip. And, besides pretty underthings, I'd rather spend money on clothing that can be seen! I cannot give in to Spanx! (Yet...) And it's more than one event, but May 8th is the first.
Andi, you have run marathons, where can you have any extra pounds? (You were slender when I saw you daily!) I want to be on that show with you, but I couldn't be pushed like the Biggest Loser folks are. I. Would. Die.
I have started exercising again, only walking but it will help in time.
And Kimberly, you're right, the whole hormone thing makes a difference that sometimes makes me think this is sooo out of control.
I love you ALL!
Dear El,
I say buy a colorful top,pair
it with some cool jewelry and
draw the attention upwards!
Your pal,
BP
I don't think this is shallow at all. When I started having major health problems last year, I lost almost 50 pounds very quickly. It was nothing I did, I just couldn't eat, couldn't keep food down and the weight came off so fast that many people didn't recognize. I needed to lose about 35 of those pounds, and even though it was not healthy to lose weight like that, I was sure happy about it. Even with all that gone, I still have my problem area. Dropping that much weight so quickly without exercising left me with some saggy skin, and my stomach does not want me to forget that I had two babies! Pants are a problem, the low waist styles hit my problem area, but pants that comfortably fit my stomach are baggy everywhere else. (I realize this is probably more personal information than you really wanted :))
Its not shallow to want to feel better about yourself, not at all. And I was so touched to read that incredibly sweet post from your husband. What a good guy.
On another note, you've got some exciting things going on in the coming months, lots to look forward to. Congratulations to your son!
Those were the good ole days ;)
post free classifieds
Post a Comment