"Off" post with some "off" pictures, it all fits

 Old Baton Rouge

I'm sure the LSU campus and town look just like this, but I won't know for a while.

     Sunday was just an off day for me.  Went to work with my key card, but not my classroom key, so I couldn't get into my room to do the list of things I wanted to do.  Beat myself up over that one to the point that Brad had to talk me from the ledge (and he tried to break into my classroom--which was most likely caught on video according to my friend and principal who is going to look for the video).  When I tried to leave the building, I left my eyeglass case and lesson plan book in the library, so I had to go back in.  Twice.  Tried to find a health food store in the next town and got all turned around--even with Google map directions.  Found it, finally.  Came home with plans to knit.  Messed up my scarf--royally.  Finished another craft.  I don't do crafts, so this just felt weird. (Funny, but true!)

      Knitted some more in effort to clean up my mistake.  Later in the day was running on the treadmill about to reach 30 again but accidentally turned it off at 27 minutes.  Watched Sister Wives, very, very wrong.         
      Things were just plain off.
      I try to always accentuate the positive.  I mean, nothing awful happened, it's just that all day things were never quite right.  I felt a little bit like I was inhabiting the wrong body or perhaps my brain had left this one.
     But the thing that did bring me to tears?  That seemed beyond off? I decided it was best not to go visit Mac for Thanksgiving next month.  And that made me cry.  My reasons are sound, logical and grown-up.  Mac understands them and so do I.  But I miss him fiercely, so while I'm better today, I'm still feeling off--as a mom. 

Here's a guy frying a turkey in Louisiana 

where we won't be eating turkey next month.

     I'm just trying to have some fun with something that's left me feeling blue.  And to go along with the theme, blogger is giving me fits as I try to make this post look nice.  Continuing, if only for a few moments, with the off-ness.

Turns out, Brad was right

     This past summer was not kind to my backyard geraniums (neither was my next door neighbor who pointed at them and laughed.)  Finally, a couple of weeks ago, I pulled them out from the ground around the maple tree, selected a couple to winter (I'm not sure why I think they'll live in the basement all winter when I could barely keep them alive in the sunshine through summer...), and threw the rest in the vacant lot across the street.
     I looked over there yesterday and saw:

     So Brad's encouraging words of "they'll come back," came true.  He's often right.  But I'll bet even he couldn't guess they'd come back to mock me. 

Magic Carpet Ride?

     Uh, no, not really.
     We've lived in our home, as the first owners, for three and a half years and recently found out our carpet--the whole upstairs--is faulty.  So, with some of the cost comped by the manufacturer (what a screwy warranty), we're having all of it replaced today.
     This is the time to remind you I was off all summer, and we wanted to do it this during those months, but that didn't quite work out.
     Brad has been working hard to pre-pack and move things.  He'll continue to move things all day as the installers go room to room.  While I'm looking forward to carpet that doesn't always look dirty (even when it's just been cleaned, that's where the "faulty" comes in), I hate the waste and the cost.  We wanted to do something green, but we went green when we saw the price of recycled carpets.  New wall to wall was not in our plan this soon.
     Sigh.
     So why am I telling you this? 
     1)  I'm confessing to a very non-green act.  (Did I tell you I hate the waste?  Did you get that part?  This is really bumming me out.)
     2) With our whole upstairs either boxed or torn asunder, I may be keyboardless for a day or two.
     Please, don't miss me too much.  I will miss you all though.

     Bed linens in the dining room, lamps and grandkids' birthday presents on the fancy schmancy table, and Mac's bathroom filled with books and such...Are you digging the decorating?
     How I'm spending my holiday weekend?  No mystery here!  (Expect some purging to occur as I unpack...)

12 True Confessions for a Tuesday

    I feel the need to confess...It is said confession is good for the soul, but these are so surface, they're coming from Shallow El, not from the depths of my soul:

• My treadmill is plugged into a surge protector so I can turn it off when not in use.  Sometimes, in wasted attempts to turn it on, I hit that little red switch 12 times with my big ol' running shoe before I finally bend over to flip it with my finger (which is way easier than using my foot, but I always seem to forget that).  Lazy.  Reminder to self:  you do bend at the waist.
• I often eat when I drive, and I drive a stick.  No tickets or accidents. Last week, I devoured an entire package of my beloved Red Vines between the grocery store and home.  Wait, the amount of candy I eat is the real confession...
• I run like a girl.  I don't mean that in a disparaging way toward anyone else. And I certainly don't mean it in an empowering way. I mean it in an I'm-almost-50-and-have-never-been-athletic way. (Started week five of C25K yesterday, I'm okay, but next week may kill me.) 
• I talk during yoga class.  So much for the serenity of the experience.  I know it bugs some folks, but others appreciate my questions.  I mean, we are there to learn, right?  Okay, okay, I'll shut up.
• It drives me crazy when pictures on facebook:  lack captions or tags, are so blurry they shouldn't be posted, or are oriented wrong.  (My summer's been so uneventful, farmers' market photos have become my facebook photo mainstays. So I should shut up here, too.)
• The phone I have?  I use it to make calls.  No texting, no 'Net, no nothin' else.  I am not a techie gadget person.
• That being said, there are three things I would enjoy having:  a laptop (I'm typing this post on a dying dinosaur of a PC), a fancy shmancy camera (I want to be artsy-fartsy), and firmer thighs.  I think right now the latter is the most likely, thanks to the above mentioned running like a girl and yoga. I'll take them, when they decide to arrive.
• My hair is short now, and to keep it from curling (as if) due to summer humidity I wear clips like the one pictured above while my hair is drying while at home or in my car.  If you ever see me wearing one, will you tell me to remove it?  (Don't mock yesterday's hair, this pic is a self-portrait taken after a Benadryl induced nap.  Bad. Hair. Day.)
• Though I my interaction with Brad's family is limited to just about none, he has asked me to collect books for him to give his grandkids.  I miss his grandkids, and I love books, so heck yeah I do it!
• I like to wear dresses because people think I'm all decked out when really I like them 'cause they are so easy to put on.  So if I've slept late, am running late, or feel fat, I just may show up all girlie.  Look for it.
• I cannot eat just one cookie.  Of course if said cookie has coconut on it or in it, then  I will not eat even one. Coconut, bleah!  Maybe I should buy only coconut candy? 
• Speaking of nutrition, actually a lack thereof,  I bought a bottle of 100 vitamins, One-A-Day brand in fact, about 350 days ago. There are still vitamins in the bottle.  Do the math.

      I'm sure there are hundreds of things I do each day that cause God, my friends, my husband and you to shake a head.  As I wrote this, I thought of a woman who recently told me, "Wow, you have it all together!"  Shocked, I looked at her and said, "Oh if you only really knew."  And I'm reminded of when a younger woman I once knew told me I was a know-it-all, when truly, I go through each day recognizing how little I do know and how much I have yet to learn.  I roll my eyes at myself!

Thanks Kim for the Post Fodder!

 

My friend Kimberly at consider it pure JOY bestowed this on me today.

I am speechless.  "There are no words."

Actually I'm not speechless and there are words, that's a joke I crack myself up with...I once went to a blog I no longer read, and the blogger's title for that day's post was "There Are No Words," and then she wrote about 500 of them.  I found that a little twisted but knew better than to point it out by leaving a comment.

Anyway, I digress by explaining something that's only funny to me.

I think I'm overwhelmed by this because I'm one of those people who never wins anything.

But I'm accepting it full-on 'cause writing this post beats the dusting I was just doing.

Apparently this win comes with rules, it's similar to a chain letter but with less dire circumstances.   

Here are the rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award. 
2. Share up to ten things about yourself.  Short and sweet.
3. Pass the award along to up to ten bloggers who you have recently discovered and think are fantastic!
4. Contact the bloggers you've picked and let them know about the award. -- of course!!!

I try to play by the rules but you know what Yoda says...or don't you?...
1.  Thank you Kimberly!Your blog posts and your comments here often make my day.
2.  This one cracks me up.  Don't we all blog because we have this penchant for over sharing?  Okay, ten: 

• I'm not as organized as people think.  
• Whenever my husband is gone from the house for a day, I have to clean something out and make a Goodwill run. Today it's my books.  
• Last night I dreamed about the Roloffs.  
• Tonight I am making scallops even though I'm not sure what a scallop is.  I will not be eating them.
• Tomorrow I'm making pralines.  I most certainly do know what a praline is.  I will be eating them.
• I'd rather look a word up in a real dictionary than use an on-line dictionary. 
• I believe just about everyone is smarter than I am.
• I don't own a DVR, can't load a song on my ipod, and have never downloaded a program onto my PC.
• Like Dudley Moore as Arthur said, "Sometimes I think funny things."  So, if you see me laughing, and it would seem there's nothing to laugh about, I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at something no one else would understand--and not because it's highbrow.
• This blog forces me to see the glass as beyond half-full, if I'm going to put something out there, I want it to be something positive, and that is why I keep blogging.

3.  From floating around in cyberspace, I have come to the conclusion I read fewer blogs than other bloggers do and I read more than my non-blogging friends do.  What a strange world.  Like Kimberly, I don't have many folks to share this with although many blogs are beautiful.  (I read a lot of classroom blogs, and well this just wouldn't fit.  We teachers don't over share on our classroom blogs.)  So the award goes to:

• Agnes at Because I Digress...
• Sheri at Unexpected Bliss
• The girls at Pretty Stinkin' Green (I hope it's okay I called them girls, they are women, but my attitude as I face 50 is--ANYONE may call me girl.  Yes, I'm delusional, make that the eleventh bullet point.)

4.  I can do this one on my own...

Thinkin' about it...

     Yes, this post couldn't any more further belie the title of this blog.  The Art of Losing Myself refers to my giving myself to the Lord--full on.  More of Him, less of me.  My daily struggle.
     But I'm writing a post about my weight, so in this case, and this is so lame, the losing myself is small case worthy.  Losing some of myself.  It used to be a daily obsession, but I have grown more healthy of late.
     I have always been a slender person.  Sometimes, I have been more slender than is healthy.  My friend Steve once asked me if I had a fun house mirror in my head because I see myself more differently than others do.  There have been times in my life when I haven't felt I could control anything, so I would control my weight.  Now I have Jesus in my life, and I get that there is no such thing as control, and I do love myself more.   However,  I still don't know how to lose weight in a healthy way.
     Yes, I do understand that most people would think I don't need to lose weight at all. Yes, I understand that this is really not a problem compared to what many folks are facing--weight wise and health wise.
     If I list the things about my body that bug me, my husband will get upset (he likes me the way I am) and it will seem like I'm fishing for compliments or reassurance.  So I won't do that.  But I will tell you why I want to lose six pounds.  That's it, just six.
     One month from today, my son is graduating from college.  I am delighted at the prospect of attending a boring commencement ceremony (I didn't "walk" at my master's graduation, 'cause I'm just usually not into ceremony). His degree has been hard fought and hard won, and I am simply proud of my son for enduring the things he has. Many pictures will be taken.  No biggie, I know how to crop out the things I don't like. We have a neat mixed bag of guests using Mac's "up to 10" tickets.  Mac's dad's longtime girlfriend will be there.  In all these years I haven't ever seen her or a picture of her.  Can you say, "So not curious?"  (His dad and I are divorced, and it seems only right to let him live his life, I only wish the best for him--he is my son's father.)  What is niggling at me (in a "lose some poundage" way) is the idea of seeing my former, couldn't have been more distant, sis-in-law.  For her, I want to be slim.
     Hm.  Go figure.  (Pun intended.)
     Another reason, and you may get this, is the six lbs. are mostly SITTING in one place, and there are clothes I'd like to wear should it ever when it gets warmer around here aka July.  Brad talks of hearing me sigh in the closet in the morning when yet another pair of pants doesn't fit.  Don't we all have a one place?  Different for each of us, but still it settles there.
     Also, I need a new pair or two of jeans.  Jeans shopping? Enough said.
     In June, a while off I know, I am going on a mission trip with a high school group from what I'll call my "interim" church (another story for another time).  While we have to wear pants for most of the trip, and my jeans that need to be replaced will be perfect for this rough trip, I don't want to frighten kids with a, "This is what almost fifty year old legs look like," on the one day shorts are allowed (on our canoe/baptism trip outing.)  Yes I get that this is NOT what the trip is about, but I am trying to protect America's youth.
     So call me Shallow El.  I can deal.   Encourage me, and I will lap it up like chocolate Slim Fast.

Sorting through some stuff...

We have the day off in memory of Martin Luther King, Jr. and it would be wonderful if I could say I am honoring him.  But I'm not.  Mostly I'm just sorting through bills, shredding some, and I'm attempting meal planning for the week.  Living life a little more slowly than I can many other days of most months.

Mentally, I'm sorting through family stuff, work stuff, and church stuff.  I'm an "otter," so most of the time I'm not as introspective as I should be.  Right now, I'm mired in introspection, and I have to tell you--I'm getting on my nerves!

Yesterday, I woke up wondering if I'm not truly self-revealing on this blog.  I love my life, and I always hope to be honest and put my best foot forward here.  I avoid negativity, but then again, there's little of that in my life.  If I begin to feel negative, I stop to think how it would look here--how it would read--and it spins my thoughts from half-empty thinking to half-full thinking without being a Pollyanna. I also have to respect the privacy of people around me, so while I'm truthful and candid,  I don't tell all.  I read other blogs in which people have such dandy lives that they come off as pretend, and to the few folks who do read this, I don't ever want to appear false.

I love my job and my students are jewels.  I love my son, and I'm glad he's found a path to at least one destination, a path that will then expand and grow and lead him to a rich life.  I adore my husband; I can't believe how much I enjoy being married, we get along so well.  What I'm finding is the more hardships we face, the stronger our bond becomes because we have to face things together--we talk about choices and decide together.  We look forward and we value the now.  We are blessed, as Brad says, in more ways than we have words to tell the story.

The church thing, well, it's coming along.  It will take time.  One thing comes to mind, and I hope to expand on this at a later date, I have to allow Him to consume me from the inside out.  I'm not sure I've been doing this.

Yesterday I awoke thinking about this little blog, and coincidentally last night Brad said, "So, you've been blogging over a year, what do you think it's added to your life?"  I paused and thought, it really is my only creative outlet.  It forces me to write from time to time--and while it's not good writing, it IS words on paper and I need to commit some words to paper with some regularity.  But what it's really added is conversation.  My life is busy and full, my time with friends is limited and sometimes non-existent, so I cherish each blog comment, each email, and each facebook comment I get in response to my ramblings here.  It is how I keep in touch.

So that's the stuff that's on my mind today.  Really self-centered, isn't it?  Call me Shallow El.

What do you mean you don't like it? (Question of the Week)

Things I don't like that many other people LOVE:

movies:  Slum Dog Millionaire, Fargo (not current I know)
books:  The Shack, Twilight 
food:  any kind of seafood

beverages:  coffee, beer 
place:  DisneyWorld

person:  Oprah

 TV shows:  Dancing With the Stars, Gray's Anatomy

Here are my reasons, see if you can match them with the things.  

(Shouldn't be hard, they're in order.)

And please, don't take offense, we ARE all allowed our own opinions!

However, if you are a coffee fiend and do not bring your own cup or recycle your cups, 

shame on you!  
Too much violence and meanness--things that are really happening still as I compose this--can't be made up for with some fun dancing and a happy ending for just one couple.  

If you have to explain why something is funny, let it go, it's not funny.  

Imagery schmigery, yep God's a fat black woman.  It just doesn't reach me.  

Junk fiction, not even good junk fiction.  

It ALL tastes like fish.  

Not even with sugar and/or cream, don't feel the need to acquire the taste, sure feel good about NOT trashing landfills with lots of grande paper cups.  

No woman in my family ever drank it, so it just doesn't seem like a chick drink--give me a margarita. 
Overrated and expensive; if it's a dream vacation why do so many kids and parents have meltdowns while there?  

She lost touch with reality on many levels so many years ago, and now she puts the control in Control Freak. The camera work drives me crazy, you'd think they'd really know when to show footwork and when to show whole body shots.  

Don't ever expect me to get sucked into a show I have to see week to week--unless it's on Bravo and they rerun it 87 times between new episodes.

Okay.  Now that I've gotten that off my chest...the question of the week:

What's something that every else enjoys, raves about, pays big money for or whatever, but the appeal of said thing/show/food/destination/book is completely lost on you?

Why did this bug me?

Summer break begins on Tuesday, and on Thursday I start working with the three students I'm tutoring for the next number of weeks.

Today, I went to Border's to get two copies of my favorite children's novel Mick Harte Was Here to read with two of the kids. If you haven't read it, look for it, it's the perfect little book.

Anyway, I was dismayed by how Border's arranges their kids' fiction. It's so fragmented: friendship stories, adventure stories, sports stories, fantasy stories, award winners, classic etc., that I had a hard time figuring out where to look for this book.

Though I looked in every category it might fit into, I never did find it, seems they were all sold out. That's a bummer, but it's not the part that bugs me.

What made me sad, I guess that's the word for it, and what bugs me is how narrow a focus they give to kid readers. How would a child looking for a Matt Christopher book (sports) ever accidentally find himself reading the back of a fantasy book and deciding to buy it when they are shelves away from each other? How would someone assigned to read a classic ever stumble over a current award winner that was just as good but not in the same genre?

As a kid, getting to a bookstore and picking whatever book I wanted was a joy. It was the same for my son. We loved going to stores where the staff had actually read the books and knew what to suggest to stretch us beyond what we'd usually read--Mac was a voracious reader, just like I was when I was a kid, and though he read hours on his own, I read aloud to him all the way through his elementary years.

Obviously they're marketing to sell books, but they're not marketing to READERS.

So, I'm sad.

Such a strong word, but...

So yesterday, I was driving to work when I found myself stopped behind a Dodge Ram pick-up truck whose license plate read, "IHATEGM."

It was a long red light, and I found myself thinking there must be a story there. Vanity plates cost more than random plates (so guess which type I have) to renew each year, and I was thinking this guy must really dislike GM in order to ante up extra bucks every 12 months.

Hating requires a ridiculous amount of emotion, and I just don't do it. Life is too good and too short to emote in the extreme negative.

So, I tend to use the word hate for things that irritate me. I can't think of anything I really hate, but I thought I'd make a list of things I "hate," just for fun.

I don't think any of them could be condensed to fit on a pithy license plate!

I hate...

1. coconut

2. cooked fruit (technically "baked" as in pies and such)--can't stand the mush factor

3. knee-jerk apologies--you know, "Say you're sorry..."

4. seafood (but I'm learning how to make sushi--I'm so hip!)

5. "Respect," by Aretha Franklin. I could live happily and never hear that song again

6. people who throw things in the trash when they could be recycled-- okay, I don't hate the people, just the behavior

7. when a good song comes on the radio just as I'm pulling into the parking lot at work

8. four-way stop signs during rush hour

9. DAYS spent eating like a healthy little bird and then getting on the scale to find I've GAINED weight!

10. hypocrisy, especially when I'm the one who is guilty of it

11. the Mommy-mill

12. drivers who don't merge as soon as they're told and then cause a horrible bottleneck--okay, again, I don't hate them but I am irritated by their bad manners

13. people who hold negative opinions of me when they don't take the time to get to know me--if you really know me, and you decide you don't like me, I'm cool with that!

13+ I have to say it...my thighs!

Isn't life GREAT when this is all that I "hate"?

Skimming the Surface

As you might know, I started this blog at the prodding of girlfriends last summer. It actually started as a series of Emails I sent to my girlfriends, and then when I learned to use Blogger, I switched to this format.

My friends would say, in the beginning, how they enjoyed my "deep thoughts," and this freaked me out--I knew I'd run out of deep. So one day, I went shallow (okay, I exposed shallow--it didn't take any effort).

I wrote about some healthy treats I had discovered lately, how cool it was to be carded at 47 while out with a childhood friend, marveled at losing 15 pounds yet still fitting in the same jeans (shouldn't I have been swimming in them?), listed the simple pleasures I was enjoying in summer, and this:

"Here's another confession. We all make typos, but I will admit I am too easily bothered when people make the following mistakes in writing:

1) Using more than three dots for an ellipsis (...)

2) Misuse of me/I (some people tend to think "I" sounds more correct when often it's just wrong)

3) Confusing the definitions of imply and infer.

Cranky, aren't I?"

Then I asked my friends to write back,"Go ahead, write back and share some pesky shallow thoughts with me, I invite you to!"  I got lots of pesky, funny, shallow thoughts back from my fun-loving and picky-as-me friends, but the wildest thing about this, one woman whose blog I used to read decided that my admission of my being too picky about typos was all about her. 

She was furious with me!
 

She said I was an uptight teacher who needed to relax and focus on the "important things in life." 

I couldn't help but recall, she had written a blog post about the need to follow pedicure rules before wearing sandals.

Heck, why worry about things like English grammar and the like when there are people out there with chipped toenail polish and crusty heels?? Really, what's more important?

Remembering all this makes me (laugh and) ask the question for this week:

What shallow thought is plaguing or entertaining you right now?

Random Ramblings

I am feeling absolutely scattered.

Mind you, I'm not complaining, but I am attempting to explain my brain.

This is a weird time of year at school. Next year starts staining this year. I'm going to meetings for kids I have now who are moving on (kids with special needs), and I'm going to meetings for kids I may have (probably will have) next year. I even have a meeting for a boy who was in my room two years ago...

Thoughts creep in about what I want the room to look like next year, and there are still wishful-thinking-hopes that I'll change grade levels next year. It's time for a change, a change was in the works, but then some of my peers were pink slipped, and, well, I'm just glad of a job for next year. Looks like I'm staying put in grade 5.

Anyway, we're starting all the traditional end-of-year stuff, too: talent show, field trips, Honors Night, reading celebrations, panoramic photos, picnic, etc. Oh, and I'm still teaching a full-quarter's curriculum. Well, working on that last one.

We still have a food drive to do (student council), two Wacky Wednesdays, and a kids' collection (a quarter drive) to take for our principal's retirement gift.

I'm thinking of a heart locket, you know, "LWS, always in my heart." Corny? Good!

Yesterday, I was teaching diameter and circumference, and after two days of this stuff, one of my kids said, "What's diameter?" I realized they weren't listening, and I stopped teaching. They were stunned. I asked, "Why am I working so hard when you guys are just coloring in your math books?"

Seemed kind of silly to continue.

We'll see if they got it when we go over the assignment today.

Pi x d = C

Do I even remember it right?

So, hang in with me here, okay?

On the outside I may look sane, okay, maybe not, but my mind is usually racing. Expect that to stop around, oh, June 8 (drat on those snow days, it should be June 4th.)

Rambling on, I've been working on a fund-raiser for the reading program we have in place for at risk third graders. It ended, sale wise yesterday, and last night I sat tabulating and counting until I couldn't see straight. This A.M. it's more of the same--I'm just worried I won't get things right, and on pick-up day someone will come looking for geraniums I neglected to tally.

At the same time, I keep thinking of that bumper sticker from the 70's--

Now that's old school. Pun totally intentional.

It's a flower sale, not a bake sale, and at the same time I'm thinking of quantities and totals, I'm trying to think about what annuals I want to order. My little planting areas might look a little hit or miss this summer if my mind doesn't get a grip on things...

Very good news, I learned yesterday, I still have $17.73 in my classroom budget. Come on, this is a thrill, as I am looking for a few more good paperback books for my class library, one that was suggested to me because of Monday's post.

Simple pleasures!

Oh, and last night I managed to redo my pedicure. It may be a minute item, but it's now checked off my long list o' things to do. Any progress matters. I even sort of stayed in the lines. Usually I'm better at coloring.

Brad's birthday is Friday, and I think he's getting a washed out wife for his special day. Isn't he the luckiest of men?

Okay, I'm glad I wrote all that down. Though less than eloquently composed, still it freed my mind, for a moment. Back to it all now.