"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
--Dr. Seuss
My friend "Texan Mama" has this habit of writing posts that make me think. Her post yesterday was about "owning" blog comments, in other words, wanting those who comment on her blog to share their names along with their thoughts.
It caused me to make a confession to her, and truthfully to God too, about a blog comment or two that I've left along the way. And now her post is just making me think, darn it. So I came home last night and stumbled across the above Seuss words--and they fit so perfectly with what I was wrestling with.
People think I'm this super confident, often says the right thing kind of person, but I hate confrontation. It makes me sick to my stomach with nerves, but I do have the need to say what I think at times. I welcome people to disagree with me, as long as there's no attack attached to their disagreement. But when I feel opposite to what someone is stating, and I know it's important to state it, sometimes no matter how I cushion or craft my words, I can feel upset as I'm delivering them.
Why is that? Why am I such a wuss? I have been attacked for stating my opinion from time to time, this is true, and I do try to not mind those folks. For the most part, I get thanked for sharing things, my thoughts and comments are appreciated--so why can't I seem to share them without a churning tummy?
Why is that? Why am I such a wuss? I have been attacked for stating my opinion from time to time, this is true, and I do try to not mind those folks. For the most part, I get thanked for sharing things, my thoughts and comments are appreciated--so why can't I seem to share them without a churning tummy?
7 comments:
it's really a tough balance - I think we should certainly own our words online but people find it all too easy to hide behind a laptop screen or cartoon-avatar. I think the internet is like having an extra drink at a bar: it gives us the extra courage (or nerve) we wouldn't normally have to just say what's on our minds, UNFILTERED.
Because it's the internet, and there ARE crazies out there, I don't think folks need to necessarily leave personal information. But at least, they should leave some avenue of communication open. If they are going to make a comment, they need to be willing to hear polite dispute & defend their point of view.
Because if they don't, then they're just cowards. In my opinion of course.
I think it's also hard to read intent in an online community. Face to face (or if you know the person in real life), it's easy to read expressions, to catch intonations, to measure snark, in a virtual world it's not so easy and this can lead to hurt feelings and misunderstandings.
"To measure snark!" I love that!
And I agree. I tend to write things in a gentle, chatty tone or a self-deprecating tone, but am often misread, particularly by family.
But this commentary was also about face to face discussion. Twisty tummy I get.
I am the same way Ellen, if not worse. I am so much a people pleaser, a make everyone happy-er. Conflict puts my stomach in knots...
Definitely something I need to work on.
I don't ever do or say anything anonymously though, so at least I've got that :)
It never bothers me when people post anonymously...unless they are hiding behind the vastness of the internet just so they can purposely be hateful. I post comments anonymously once in a while,too. One, because I'm like you when it comes to confrontation and two, sometimes I might share something very personal because I think it might be helpful but I just don't want people to know who said it.
I feel sure that most anonymous commentors who are commenting to stir the fire will be back for further communication....they are agitators and like to see what they can stir up.
Are we sisters from another mother, or maybe I'm shadowing your life, because I could have written this post. I HATE confrontation, but I will speak my mind if need be!
I think your discomfort allows you to truly think & be thoughtful in your comments. And that thoughtfulness allows for the reader to process what you say with the best of intentions, giving a pass (so to speak) on tone that is not readable.
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